The Singles Jukebox

Saw Morgan Schneiderlin playing in midfield the other day, still holds up…

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[5.70]

Michaelangelo Matos: Strobing synths a la “My Love”/”Miss Independent” plus French rapping and super-Auto-tuned vocals, and what do you know: not knowing whether they’re singing about their expensive cars, or what, has a palliative effect.
[6]

Kat Stevens: Who knew Autotune would sound so much better in French? The meaty bassline generates enough menace to balance out the Atari bibble over the top, and thanks to my wilful ignorance of the French language I have the extra bonus of hearing Humphrey say ‘mpreg’ about halfway through.
[9]

Chuck Eddy: Crazed electronics and exotic foreign words undercut by typically so-what 2009 r&b melody and singing. But I do like when the French rap speeds up to a machine gun.
[5]

Martin Skidmore: This has frantically swirling and pulsing synths, like a hyper copy of recent Timbaland sounds – this gives it a tension and energy that Rohff rides well, though Humphrey sounds a bit lightweight and underpowered to suit it.
[7]

John Seroff: Watered-down Vangelis at least has the benefit of sounding like Vangelis but COME ON ALREADY: you went to the lab and brewed up stone-flavored Stone Soup.
[3]

Matt Cibula: 808s et Chagrin, n’est ce pas? J’ai aimé ceci jusqu’à ce que j’aie dù quitter la salle, et quand je suis revenu j’ai réalisé que rien de nouveau s’était produit.
[5]

Briony Edwards: It has some nice harmonies over the chorus, which means excessive autotune doesn’t totally kill everything, and my limited knowledge of the French language lets me know that at at least one point, someone ends a line with the word “whore”. What more could one want from a rap song?
[6]

Ian Mathers: AutoTuned vocals, it turns out, go very well with trancey hyperarpeggios and a Three Six Mafia snare sound. And French continues to be a pretty great language to rap in, which is nice but not quite as important as the way all those elongated “ohhhhhhs” make the chorus sound huge. Who needs to understand what they’re saying when it sounds this good?
[8]

Alfred Soto: I could translate just half of the French, and what I understood sounds rote in any language.
[3]

Alex Ostroff: It turns out that the only thing more strained and awkward than blatant abuse of Autotune in English is blatant abuse of Autotune en français. The production is post-“Flashing Lights” and the lyrics are blandly inspirational – life is short, one mustn’t waste time, keep climbing, and so forth. Rohff’s middle eight saves this from utter pointlessness, contributing a hilarious/classic line about MCs banging on the door like Jehovah’s Witnesses.
[5]