The Singles Jukebox

Don’t call it a comeback.

[Video]
[5.10]

Micha Cavaseno: Lumidee hasn’t truly been attention grabbing since the 00s, when she babyishly won hearts on “Never Leave You”. So what does one do when they want to remind people that people liked her? Not much, just put in a Clipse “Grindin” homage, and have Bodega Bamz show-pony and prance while bragging about using the 50 Cent flow (more like a clinical and unmemorable French Montana rehash). Unfortunately, that’s not sarcasm, because I’ve rarely heard a singer so afraid of departing from her hook, barely offering up a remainder of a song. You have to wonder, does she even want to be here?
[2]

Alfred Soto: In 2003 she benefited from the novelty of hearing diwali on an R&B record not produced by Missy Elliott and Timbaland. Forced to project anony-lust over firecracker effects and a sequencer that has served new house records to better effect, she sounds wan.
[5]

Will Adams: “I feel like I’m on some other planet-type shit/’Cause you got me on another planet” — the dead-eyed stupidity of this line encapsulates how unnecessary and unsuccessful the whole song is. But it made me laugh, so I can’t fully hate this.
[4]

David Sheffieck: If you’re gonna sample “Grindin'” best to bring enough personality to it that you’re not drawing unfavorable comparisons. But that’s exactly the mistake made here, with Lumidee stripped of her sensual, electric croon and Bodega Bamz a nonentity taking up far too much space.
[3]

Luisa Lopez: The best kind of seduction is made up of odd duets, hesitancy, and a good beat. Guest vocals only seem worth it if they complicate the narrative in some way, you know? If we’re going to allow someone else into this song, they need to shake it up. Of course I’m partial to a woman helming the conversation; who isn’t? (Lots of people; that doesn’t matter.) Here, from that initial discordance to brash reappearance, these two gel together in an unexpected way, making fairly familiar tropes — how little our attraction fits into standard schematics! we must be lustful aliens — sexy, sudden, new.
[8]

Dan MacRae: Do Lumidee and Bodega Bamz like Puerto Rico? The music video is a bit unclear. (I’d give that gaggle of adorable flag wrapped dogs in the promo power of attorney if I could.) Maybe I’m a soft touch for the Clipse sample, but “Mars” certainly has its charms. It stomps and glides along in a welcome enough fashion. It’s a shame this cut possesses all the grip of cotton candy. “Mars” sorta disintegrated into my headphones every time I played it. After each listen (about 12 by my count) I tried to sort out if “Mars” was something I was particularly fond of or if it was just a fog of pre-established Lumidee + Clipse goodwill that was clouding my brain. The answer’s somewhere in the middle, I think.
[6]

Brad Shoup: Fluff and theft. 
[4]

Megan Harrington: Both Lumidee and Bodega Bamz wander on and off key giving “Mars” a weirdly unfinished, demo quality. Whenever I get that sense my first impulse to play a game of armchair A&R, and in this case I can’t think of much to recommend signing, aside from the fact that these two seem to have managed double the Mustard at half the price. 
[5]

Katherine St Asaph: Samples “Grindin’,” shouts out “Wishing on a Star,” and doesn’t get much further than that juxtaposition; but as juxtapositions go you can get far worse.
[5]

Andy Hutchins: The thunder of the “Grindin” drums is the Contra code of rap. But blending that with chilled Mustard-lite synths, as Mike Street does for the spacey, irresistible “Mars” soundscape, is an unexpected marriage of aural chocolate and peanut butter. Lumidee’s comeback isn’t going to be a thing, alas, not if she keeps singing lyrics as bad as “I feel like I’m on some other planet time shit,” but she’s plenty capable of floating over this, and the more unknown Bamz stands out, thanks to a flip of “Return of the Mack,” brazen, explicit larceny of an old 50 Cent flow, and swaggering delivery of absolutely nothing. A summer smash arriving a month too late to be the summer smash of 2014 is more than fine by me, given its competition.
[9]