The Singles Jukebox

UK Eurovision entrant attempts to be remembered as something other than UK Eurovision entrant…

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[5.14]

Doug Robertson: Yes you do: she was our suitably bland stab at Eurovision success earlier this year; the one who, by virtue of not actually coming last, was considered to be something of a success. There’s more personality on offer here — the sort of personality that owes more to repeated listens of the Pussycat Dolls’ version of “Jai Ho”, admittedly, combined with a quick rummage through some of The Saturdays’ rejects — but a personality nonetheless. It’s at least enough to tide her over until Eurovision comes round again and she can pay the bills by hitting the nightclub circuit, and also has the added bonus of giving her one more song that people might recognise when she does so, which is one more than she had before releasing this.
[5]

Iain Mew: A bit like the JLS single in that it’s very well put together, and surprises with how close its finger is to the popular pulse, yet is still about six months off. “My Man” is simultaneously less stupid and much less charming than “Beat Again”, though. The slight hint of “Lonely Goatherd” in the opening melody acts as an unwelcome reminder of the whole Lloyd Webber musical enterprise that she emerged from, too.
[5]

Martin Skidmore: I figured this was likely to be a big improvement on a dreary Lloyd-Webber ballad, but I’m more impressed than that. She has bags of vocal talent, even though she sounds a little stiff on quite a few lines, and the shuddering electro R&B is appealing too, though it could have done with a bit more bosh on the chorus. She could turn into a top UK R&B diva, with the right backing.
[7]

Jessica Popper: For her first single after her reasonably successful Eurovision entry, Jade cleverly decides to alienate anyone who might have liked “My Time” by releasing a proper R&B song, which surely would appeal only to those who wouldn’t be caught dead watching Eurovision. She would have been much better, I think, going for the kind of R&B sound that will be played on local radio stations — the Jordin Sparks/Beyoncé/Shontelle sound would be perfect, and there are plenty of songwriters churning out tracks in that vein at the moment. I’d like to be proven wrong and see Jade be given a fair chance, but the stigma attached to Eurovision is not likely to allow for it.
[7]

Frank Kogan: I’d call this totally generic except if you were to ask me what the genre is I’d stammer and say, “Sorta synthed-up and polished dance-r&b amalgam, like Jordin Sparks meets Jordin Sparks” – I don’t know what I mean, except I never can predict what genre Jordin is going to be decked-out in either – “with piercing notes tossed skyward and beats like high-octane sports drinks, and nothing distinctive,” and I’m getting slugged by visceral body blows, but at least Sir Andrew isn’t in the building.
[5]

Alfred Soto: I’m surprised by how dated this sounds – Jenny from the Block, circa 1999, innocuous in a dot.com sort of way. She does have a rather massive voice, though, from which I expect ballast on a cruise ship, not air in a hot air balloon.
[4]

John Seroff: I know she’s got a fancy Eurovision pedigree but we ‘Murricans don’t put much stock in all that when you squirt on out the other end sounding for all the world like a Keri Hilson clone, beats and all. Too recycled, too homogenized, too undistinguished and too mediocre to have too much more to say.
[5]

Pete Baran: Jade sings “Whooooooo” at the start when I expected a big hip-hop “Ho” so she already wins points for wrong footing me. Its a confident piece of pop with a pretty storming chorus which sounds like what modern US pop sounds like but a bit better. Only a little bit better mind, and that might not be enough. Ask me again when I have heard it about fifty times; it’ll either be a favourite, or I’ll have killed myself.
[7]

Chuck Eddy: Stilted “soulful” singing, songwriting that says nothing remotely interesting about some dude I gather we’re supposed to be convinced is great, halfway tolerable synth dwiddles, multisyllabic adjectives but don’t exactly give Faith Hill or Supertramp a run for their money, if you catch my drift. Maybe I should cut Jade slack for being a stage actress from London, and hence too ignorant to know better. But this is still more or less the definiton of R&B mediocrity (and R&B may well be the most mediocre genre around these days.)
[4]

Martin Kavka: It’s a shame that a song so well-produced is saddled with a lyric that argues that a man is appealing because he makes one want to “let him run the show.” Casablanca works despite the groans that erupt when Ilsa tells Rick, “You have to think for both of us!”, but “My Man” doesn’t have the mitigating circumstances that come with being set amid WWII resistance fighters.
[4]

Ian Mathers: I want to hear a gender-flipped cover of this song so bad.
[4]

Anthony Miccio: Beyonce bombast hollowed by a Eurovision singer’s lack of personality and conviction. Not that selling romantic submission over a track this aggressive would be easy for anyone.
[5]

Michaelangelo Matos: Between the “My Love” synth-strobes and the Beyoncé-manqué yelping, this is about as replaceable as it gets.
[3]

Kat Stevens: Needs a pan-pipe solo, but otherwise fine.
[7]