Thursday, September 24th, 2009

New Boyz ft. Ray J – Tie Me Down

Jerks no more?…


Michaelangelo Matos: Boy, did I prefer these guys when they were codifying an entire scene rather than shoving a young female admirer to the side because they needs their space, damn it, complete with “shut your mouth” and (wow) “you’re stuck like a stain.” There’s more here musically than there was last time, which doesn’t make this better than the last one.

Dan MacRae: “Cause my life is great/And you ain’t nothing but a ho”. Ben J knows how to use a little finesse when it comes to the ladies. The snap revival beat can be salvaged for parts on the mixtapes of sharper MCs, so that’s a plus.

Hillary Brown: What? Is this the theme song for the new season of For the Love of Ray J? Too bad it’s so darn catchy.

Martin Kavka: The sexiness of the track leads one to expect a promise of commitment, even if it’s a false promise. But commitment is the last thing on New Boyz’ minds. Despite the appeal of this disjunction, I wish that Legacy wouldn’t have assumed, on the basis of one woman’s pathological insecurity, that all women are unworthy of commitment. And the less said of Ben J’s “You know I’m a man, and I have no feelings,” the better.

Chuck Eddy: Clearly this is their stab at all those sappy Soulja Boy “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” AutoTune heartthrob dollars, which would bug me more if Skinny Jeanz And A Mic wasn’t mainly zany electro-hop “You’re A Jerk” rewrites. On first listen to the “Pre-Teen Squeaky Clean” version, I figured the album for the Whodini/Fresh Prince hybrid I’d subconsciously been waiting decades for. The “Explicit” version complicates that equation somewhat, but “Cricketz” and “Dot Com” and “Cashmere” and “So Dope” might still have enough dinky fun in their funk to justify top-ten-’09-album-list inclusion; we’ll see. And I like how they saved the four obligatory (if not nearly awful) r&b crossovers for the album’s tail-end, which makes me think they’re trying to hide them.

Martin Skidmore: The goofy charm and fun of ‘You’re A Jerk’ is completely absent from this. This is a slow jam, with the clumsy vocals very heavily autotuned over a light backing, featuring very cheap-sounding synths. Very weak indeed.

Anthony Easton: Not quite sure what the effect is that extends those clicks, but it brings this from a 5 to a solid 7.

Alfred Soto: Seeing as how these boys are spending thousands of dollars on studio time, you’d think they would program something funkier than finger snaps.

John Seroff: Potential one-hit wonder follow ups are always a more tricky goal to score, but the Boyz mostly luck out with solid production in this sophomore bumpngrind anti-romance. “Tie Me Down” is a catchy and uncomplicated snap-and-fuzz frisée accompanied with a hook from perennial also-sang Ray-J that’s been autotuned, appetized and flattened into a reasonably tasty paillard of chorus. Neither of the New Boyz have much of anything to say, padding out syllable counts with “yeah”s and “I mean”s between uninspired and flimsy rambling about confirmed bachelorhood. Tie you down? Younguns, please; I don’t even know if I want to hear your next single.

9 Responses to “New Boyz ft. Ray J – Tie Me Down”

  1. I can’t bring myself to listen to this.

  2. Here, let me snap my fingers for you. Hold up your synclavier.

  3. yes this is sad

  4. I think the word “synclavier” is the first thing that’s made me want to hear this.

  5. i overdid this, probably a 5, maybe a 4. Definitely don’t need to hear it again.

  6. i love it!
    i didnt like you’re a jerk when it first came out but i loveeee this one:)

  7. Uh, so their album turns out to be not even close to Top-10-worthy. Maybe not even Top-40-worthy. Sorry if I led anybody astray. (Though I swear, if there was only a clean version, it’s possible I’d still think otherwise.)

  8. Really? I think it’s going to end up just outside my Top 10! Though tbf I usually turn it off before the last four or so tracks…

  9. I deleted the last four tbh.