The Singles Jukebox

At least it’s not the end of the world…

[Video][Website]
[3.55]

Anthony Easton: I have not watched any of American Idol, but I have seen the Youtube video of his cover of “Ring of Fire”, which was iconoclastic, strange, and profoundly queer. He didn’t even change the pronouns. This pro forma genderless castrating of that instinct is indicative of the worst kind of homophobic self loathing, a willingness to have our voices sublimated by the mainstream, and then assuming that we are making some kind of progress.
[0]

Martin Skidmore: I enjoyed his rather ludicrous performances on an otherwise poor American Idol season. His natural home is heavy metal, but you don’t get there through TV shows, so we have here an attempt at an AOR power ballad instead. It sounds pretty sludgy, the chorus is inadequate, and he sings it with disappointing restraint most of the way, though when the music gets punchier at the end he goes for it, which carries some entertainment value.
[4]

John Seroff: A bullheaded, soundtrack superpower ballad with a distinct stalker vibe and a pathological need for the spotlight, “Time for Miracles” features more false endings than the Lord of the Rings cycle, a sense of rococo grandeur entirely copacetic with the Emmerich oeuvre and enough broken wings, busted hearts and teary eyes to start a pet-food factory. At a shade under five minutes, you’d swear it was at least twice as long; I’d bet my Bat out of Hell LP that “Time” has been artificially inflated for the sole sake of fitting all the CG team and craft service people into 2010’s final arduous credit crawl. Ironically, no one but ushers, masochistic maximalists and the infirm will stick around to hear it.
[2]

Hillary Brown: A certain amount of bombast is required for this sort of thing (which I assume will play over the end credits of 2012, which means, in turn, that that movie must have a love story or two in it in addition to the destruction of much of the globe — ick), so there’s flexibility in what’s normally acceptable. I’ve heard worse. Lambert does have a pretty nice voice, and he doesn’t sound like he’s straining to pass something, plus there’s actual melody present. Chris Daughtry does it better, though…
[5]

Matt Cibula: Jesus H. Christ on a parade float, did I love this song the first time I heard it. On doctor’s orders, I will have to wait a few weeks before I hear it again. But I love every little upshifting moment here; it reminds me of nothing less than that dignified, restrained ballad “Dream On” by Aerosmith.
[9]

Iain Mew: At the three minute mark, when what started as a pleasantly sleepy AOR ballad morphed unexpectedly into wannabe-prog, complete with dramatic pauses and a fairly unusual string arrangement, I was actually starting to like it. That was before a key change of such spectacular awfulness that it renders everything previous void. Not only that, but there’s still a full further minute of Adam stretching his voice to well beyond reasonable limits afterwards.
[2]

Alfred Soto: The first few bars recall Pink Floyd’s “Breathe,” which is bad enough, but the rest evokes Nick Lachey, and that’s not what the Rolling Stone cover story promised (I’ll just note the pizzicato). Maybe the advertised pansexuality acted as cover for a performer of unremarkable banality. We’ll find out soon enough.
[3]

Ian Mathers: The first nine seconds of this actually sounds very nice, before the pro forma acoustic guitar strum comes in and ushers in a totally different sound/melody that’s not at all interesting. And the lyrics/vocals are the usual American Idol soup of bland technical competence. Did nobody point out to the American public that this guy sounds like Richard Marx?
[2]

Chuck Eddy: There’s a richness and pang here, a glammish flamboyance in the high notes, that, say, James Blunt or Daniel Powter (inasmuch as I’ve heard them) lack. But I don’t hear the difference being as appreciable as wishful thinkers think. And the songwriting’s as boring as what they’ve mostly hit with, too (actually, Blunt’s “1973” blows this away), and when it climbs toward its pomp climax I remember that Queen’s ballads almost always seemed overrated to me, too. Always figured Freddie would be more moving with more r&b in his lungs. Also, Muse do Queen funnier.
[3]

Anthony Miccio: An appropriate love theme for 2012, with half-hearted attempts at human-scale emotion followed by the apocalyptic CGI bombast you paid for. And while I’m not against fireworks displays, I do wonder if they’re worth the hearing loss.
[7]

Michaelangelo Matos: This makes Eddie Money sound like Al Green.
[2]