The Singles Jukebox End-of-Year Best-Off 2009
Good afternoon, and hello. Welcome to The Singles Jukebox, where today we’re beginning what many pundits across the globe have called the greatest end-of-year something since Pitchfork something something Radiohead rhubarb rhubarb Kelly Clarkson thingummy doo-dah “Independent Women Part 1″ beeswax logjam hummana-hummana five-goal thriller at Vicarage Road.
In contrast to most other music websites, who have opted for the more traditional list format that has served the music press so well ever since Jules Rimet controversially put George Gershwin behind Aaron Copeland and Uruguay in 1930’s seminal Fin du Termin de l’Autobus du Saxophone, the Jukebox has decided to determine the best single of the year via a World Cup-esque tournament method.
40 songs have been chosen to participate – the top 16 scorers from the regular Jukebox season, accompanied by 24 other songs that the Jukebox has reviewed this year, which were voted for by the Jukebox’s writership. They have been sorted into eight groups of five, with each writer voting on two groups, ranking the five songs within each group in order of preference – the top song scoring five points, second scoring three, third scoring two, fourth scoring one, and the fifth scoring zero. Particular spice has been added to the group stages since the Jukebox commission can’t remember if they told anyone that this was how the scoring was going to work.
The two top-scoring songs in each group will then proceed to the knockout stages of the tournament, where things become slightly simpler. Two songs pitted head to head, with the song that attracts most votes in its favour going through. Songs will proceed in this manner through the second round (American sports fans may know this as the “lake of fire”), quarter-finals (“hammer of the Scots”), and semi-finals (“Lark Rise to Candleford”), before we finally arrive at the final, where two songs will battle it out to determine which is the Best Single Of The Year 2009 – or, as Americans would call it, the “Deacon Blue”.
All this will unfurl over the next two weeks – the results of the group stages will be published between Monday and Wednesday, with second-round matches following on Thursday and Friday. Quarter-final matches will be posted next Monday and Tuesday, with the semi-final matches on Wednesday, and the final taking place next Friday, the 18th of December. The Jukebox commission has announced that “something” will “probably” go up between the semi-finals and the final, “but not a third-place play-off, because they’re always shit”.
Before we go, a quick note on the name of the tournament – the phrase “Best-Off” has been used to signify that the singles in the tournament all have a certain degree of bestness by managing to qualify for the tournament. However, since the tournament has been designed for the purposes of finding one ultimate winner, the Jukebox commission has decided that said winner should be seen as being the “most best”, or “having the greatest degree of bestness”. Hence, “Best-Off” – the act of placing singles in direct competition to see which one has the greatest degree of bestness. The phrase should not be confused with “Best Of”, which signifies either that you are in a McDonalds in France or you are listening to an album by The Beautiful South.
Let the games begin!
BREAKING NEWS: The Jukebox commission has announced that the first group stage will be published “later this evening”. In a statement, the commission announced that this was because “some of us have to work for a living”.
Can’t believe you guys didn’t review “The Fear”. :(
That was single of the year for me and now I’m gonna be disappointed no matter the results…
Because “The Fear” came out in January, and the Jukebox restarted in March, and then no one nominated it for the Recovery Project because we ended up covering Allen a fair amount anyway, I’m guessing.
It is a great song though! I would give it [9].
I also love the fact that I basically don’t understand ANY of this post, heart u Will.
I wish a Veronicas single had been reviewed
Was there a Veronicas single this year? I counted their 2007 album as 2008 (I may do the same for Taylor’s “Fearless” this year) but wasn’t aware of any 2009 straggler singles from it.
There’s been a lot of great criticism on this site in the past year, but I think this is my fave post ever…
Untouched and 4Ever(!) were both 2009 singles in the UK.
Also Girls’ Generation released two of the year’s best singles.. hard do decipher the lyrics, but there has been foreign language stuff reviewed here.
Gee:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7mPqycQ0tQ&feature=fvst
Tell Me Your Wish:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=160609351959
Daaaaamn, that was my #1 single of 2006, and it came out in 2005! Veronicas are the new Robyn, I guess.
Lex, IIRC, The Fear came out at the END of 2008, because it was definitely on my end of year ballot for poptimists. Oh shit. Nevermind, official release WAS 2009. Video was out by late last year, so I just assumed that it wouldn’t count.
Would have topped my list in a walk. And 4Ever was a 2009 UK release? Veronicas are the new Robyn, indeed.
The numerous travails of multi-regional reviewing.
IIRC “The Fear” went up on Lily’s myspace well into 2008 (November?), the video came out later (December?), trailing the official release (Jan 09) by about a month. I hated it until about April.
The Fear was on her MySpace as early as midsummer (as the demo “I Don’t Know) so I think of it as very much a 2008 track.
I would give it a 9 as well, though I wonder if we like the track for the same reasons, Lex.
I was secretly hoping Will would work some kind of Canadian reference in to the various names of the stages, but maybe next year?
My favourite bit of “The Fear” is “It doesn’t matter cuz I’m packing plastic / And that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic”; it’s as if Lily suddenly drops all the bullshit mannerisms that put me off her, and despite the irony she really does mean that privileged-privately-educated-girl line. I like the ambivalence of “The Fear”, the way it’s ostensibly satirising and attacking something while being bewitched by it at the same time; it also brought me round to the idea of Lily as a posh girl about town dealing out caustic bons mots and wit and wordsmithery. (The album, which I checked out on the basis of “The Fear”, did not live up to my hopes at all.)
I don’t dislike the production on “The Fear” but don’t get people for whom it’s the main attraction – it’s pretty thin and I don’t rate Kurstin at all.
“The Fear” is awful, particularly the lyric Lex pinpointed. Maybe it gets a [1] for not being faux-ska or faux-country or “Alfie” or whatever, but it’s still horrible.
I wish we reviewed Starkey’s “Gutter Music,” with Durrty Goodz on it. A definite [9].
i wish we had reviewed soulja boy tell em’s TURN MY SWAG ON – an obv [10]
“Gutter Music” was in my shortlist for recovery project nominees! [9] here too.
My top ten 2009 singles I wish we would have reviewed:
1. Jamey Johnson – “High Cost Of Living” (10
2. Nicki Minaj – “Beam Me Up Scotty” (9)
3. Larry Shannon Hargrove – “I Need A Bailout” (9)
4. White Wizzard – “High Speed GTO” (9)
5. John Rich – “Shuttin’ Detroit Down” (9)
6. Sarah Buxton – “Space” (9)
7. Coati Mundi – “Bundas Bom” (9)
8. Mel Waiters – “Everything Is Going Up (But My Paycheck)” (8)
9. Rascal Flatts – “Summer Nights” (8)
10. Caitlin & Will – “Even Now” (8)
Last three might actually be 9’s too, on a good day.
“The Fear” has it all: great lyrics, great songwriting, excellent production. In fact “It’s Not Me…” may be the best produced album this year.
Things I would’ve liked to have seen on here:
Anything by Tonetta777
Another vote for Turn My Swag On
Scarface – High Powered
Dj Paul and Lord infamous – either Gotta Eat or She Wanna Get High
Ester Dean and Chris Brown – Drop It Low (high hopes that this shows up at the start of next year)
Anything from the Autotune the News series
I would add:
West End Girls – Little Black Dress
Jazmine Sullivan – Dream Big
Might as well add my own kinda exhaustive list of 2009 singles we didn’t cover that I’d have given at least an [8] to:
2000F & J Kamata – You Don’t Know What Love Is
Aeiress Ent. – Billy
Alicia Keys – Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart
Audio Push – Teach Me How to Jerk
Azari & III – Hungry for the Power
Babydollz – Boys in the Skinny Jeans
The Bangz – Boys With Tattoos (We Jerkin’)
Cam’Ron – I Hate My Job
Chalie Boy – I Look Good
Clothes Off Movement f/ Rome – Better Than You
Cooly G – Love Dub
Crazy Cousinz – Inflation
Dinoo Supreemo – Step To
Dizzy – Swagg It Out
DJ Hell f/ P. Diddy – The DJ
DJ MA1 – Waterfalls
DJ Quik & Kurupt – Do You Know
Dyme Def f/ Saigon – Pick Up Ya Flow
Electrik Red – Friend Lover
The Foreign Exchange f/ Muhsinah – House of Cards
Fresh Boyz – iRock Skinnies
Geeneus f/ Katy B – As I
Ghostface Killah – Forever
Gorilla Zoe – Lost
Holy Ghost! – I Will Come Back
Jackie Chain – Diamonds & Cadillacs
The Juan Maclean – One Day
Kid Cudi – Day ‘N’ Nite
Kirby tha Hottest – White Friends
Lil Cali f/ Young Dro – Ric Flair
Lindstrom & Solale – Baby I Can’t Stop (Aeroplane Remix)
Maxwell D – New Brand Dance
Ms. Dynamite – Get Low (Crackish)
New Era – Pockets on My Pannies
Nicolay – Lose Your Way
Nicki Minaj – Beam Me Up Scotty
OJ da Juiceman f/ Gucci Mane – Make tha Trap Say Aye
Omarion f/ Gucci Mane – I Get It In
Pink Dollaz – Never Hungry
Project Pat f/ OJ da Juiceman – Keep It Hood
Rick Ross – Mafia Music
Royal P – Between Us
Shystie – Pull It (Ill Blu Remix)
Soulja Boy – Turn My Swag On
Still Going – Spaghetti Circus
Swagg Kidz – I’m a Nerd
Three 6 Mafia f/ Tiesto, Sean Kingston, & Flo Rida – Feel It
Vampire Weekend – Cousins
Waka Flocka Flame – O Let’s Do It
YT – Skinny Ass Nigga
On second thought, I could have pared that down to the [9]s and [10]s.
My own 9s and 10s that didn’t get reviewed:
DJ Kaos, “Love The Nite Away (Tiedye Mix)”
Ghostface Killah ft. Fabolous & Shareefa, “Guest House”
Joker & Ginz, “Purple City”
DJ Morgoth (Nirvana vs. Rick Astley), “Never Gonna Give Your Teen Spirit Up”
Lone, “Joy Reel”
New Era, “Pockets On My Pannies”
The Juan MacLean, “One Day”
Major Lazer ft. Vybz Kartel, “Pon de Floor”
Bob Dylan, “Beyond Here Lies Nothin’” and “Must Be Santa”
Moody, “Freeki Mutha F cker”
I love The Fear as well – 9 or a 10. Agree with daavid that the album is very well produced, some lovely sounds on there. I just wish Lily’s scanning ability was better, her lyrics are really clunky in places and spoil the songs – except on The Fear, where they are just perfect.
I want to see that Ester Dean/Chris Brown single reviewed too, not so much because I like it but because it’s a bit WTF.
My own top tracks which weren’t reviewed (some pre-March, some seconding others’ choices)…
The Bangz ft. Pink Dollaz – Get It Girl
Guido – Orchestral Lab/Way U Make Me Feel
Young Dro – On Fire
Nicki Minaj – Beam Me Up Scotty
Crazy Cousinz – Inflation
New Era – Do It Now
Royal P – Between Us
Dâm-Funk – Toeachizown
Demi Lovato – Behind Enemy Lines
Shystie – Pull It (Ill Blu Remix)
Joker & Ginz – Purple City
Mr Beatnick ft. Ahu – I Know All The Bitches
Yo Majesty – Don’t Let Go (Greenmoney Remix)
Red – I Should Tell Your Momma On You (Dâm-Funk Remix)
2000F & J Kamata – You Don’t Know What Love Is
Teedra Moses – Put It In The Wind
Jim Jones ft. Ryan Leslie – Precious
Gucci Mane – My Shadow
Culoe De Song – The Bright Forest
Lil’ Silva – Seasons
Cooly G – Narst/Love Dub
Blackcoffee ft. Bucie – You Turn Me On
Wiley – Where’s My Brother?
Jackie Chain – Diamonds & Cadillacs
Vybz Kartel ft. Spice – Romping Shop (Remake)
Busta Rhymes ft. Young Jeezy & Jadakiss – Conglomerate
Fabo – Spaceship Man
Unladylike – Sit Yo Ass Down
Lisa Hype ft. Gaza Kim – Bills
Babydollz – Boys In The Skinny Jeans (My Cookie)
Permanent Vacation ft. Kathy Diamond – Tic Toc
Ricky Blaze ft. Ron Browz – Feel Free
Lindstrøm & Christabelle – Baby Can’t Stop
Azari & III – Reckless With Your Love
Black Meteoric Star – Death Tunnel
Big Mike ft. Rick Ross & Chops – Animals
Dennis Ferrer – Hey Hey
Baby Ford – No Day
Hope Shakira’s not gonna get a tough group. Obviously Taylor Swift got a French draw. Anyway, always wanted to ask you guys how many times you’d listen to a record (that’s regular season) before saying what it’s worth.
I’m sure it varies by person but i make a point of not writing up anything that I haven’t had the opportunity to listen to at least ten times. Generally it’s around fifteen or so if I hate it (Adam Lambert made it to twelve before i cried uncle); if I love it, it may well go for twenty or thirty spins.
and yes i have ocd. and an office where i can listen to music. and an ipod and a 50 minute commute.
I’m sure it varies by person but i make a point of not writing up anything that I haven’t had the opportunity to listen to at least ten times.
Wow. If you change the ending of this to “at least half a time,” I’m totally with you. (Honestly, though, it’s the very rare song that I can’t tell whether I’m going to like it or not within two listens. If it hasn’t kicked in by then, it’s not going to. And how many songs is it even possible to listen to, say, five times in a row? I’d go nuts. Occasionally this means I overrate a song here and there. But hey, I can live with the guilt.)
I can live with horrible html skills as well, obviously. (Really, though, I treat lots of these songs like a blindfold test. And a couple months down the line, I do change my mind slightly about songs occasionally — Rammsten’s “Pussy” isn’t quite as good as I thought at first, and Nicki Minaj feat. Lil Wayne’s “I Get Crazy” is a little better than I thought — but that’s gonna happen sometimes. Binge-listening, at least for me, isn’t the solution — It’s unnatural, and there’s not enough time for it, and there’s too much other music I want to listen to. And it’s liable to make me sick of even songs I like.)
Chuck, I’ve always been a big proponent of heavy active listening to peel away the layers of a song and to unweave elements that confuse me. I started listening to jazz that way when i was in junior high and it’s served me well. It does often limit the amount of new pop i can listen to though. I’ve sort of ruled out most indie pop; maybe someday I’ll come back around.
Fred – it depends on the song, basically, and how many plays it takes me to formulate an opinion on it (or just something vaguely funny) vs. how many plays I can stand. Some songs we covered, I’d binge-listened to 30 times or more before they popped up here; others, I listened to once, an hour away from the deadline. Some songs I felt I needed to listen to a few times, to find a way into them; others, once or even half was enough. And others I didn’t really want to peel layers away from.
My number of listens for songs that I review generally goes on a sliding scale starting from two and increasing roughly in line with the mark I expected to give the song after one listen. I’m a lot more interested in differentiating between a 6 and 8 than between a 2 and 4.
I don’t think I’ve ever given a 10 to anything which I hadn’t already listened to many, many more than 10 times before it was on the Jukebox though (er, except for Blog 27), and have underrated some songs as a result.
There’s also a large number of songs that I’ve listened to several times but not managed to come up with something worthwhile to say about them, in which case I’m more inclined to persevere for things I actually like.
Oh yeah, I’ve underrated and overrated loads of songs. Most underrated was definitely Nina Sky’s “On Some Bullshit”, which I gave a lukewarm [7] before proceeding to cane it so much over the summer that it’s ended up as one of my singles of the year. Overrated – not sure KIG deserved that [10], and there are a few [9]s and [8]s which could do with losing a mark.
Thank you, very enlightening. Mr Iain’s method sounds good. I think 5 times is a minimum really, but not in a row. But I’m probably much older than you. Which makes me think we elderly French really would like to know what’s in the other 6 groups and what’s the draw like (as in round of 16: 1st gr. A vs 2nd gr. H etc.). That’s the kind of information you should have access to once the competition’s started.
The contents of the other 6 groups is TOP SECRET for reasons of MAXIMUM SUSPENSE. Even we weren’t told what songs were in the groups we weren’t assigned and were discouraged from comparing notes.
As far as the seeded brackets go, 1st gr. A vs 2nd gr. H etc. is correct. I’m not sure how the seedings work after that, but maybe Will can clarify.
content*
subject/verb agreement is dope imo
MY next 20 unreviewed-here singles (since other people up there wound up listing so many, what the heck.) All 8’s, probably, though a couple could move up:
11. UGK – “Da Game Been Good To Me”
12. Charlie Wilson – “There Goes My Baby”
13. Floyd Taylor — “Southern Soul Party”
14. The Love Willows – “Falling Faster”
15. The Flatlanders – “Homeland Refugee”
16. Phil Vassar – “Bobbi With An I”
17. Brad Paisley – “Welcome to The Future”
18. K’Naan Feat, Chubb Rock – “ABCs”
19. Keith Urban – “’Til Summer Comes Around”
20. Raekwon – “Heat Rocks”
21. Robin Thicke – “Sidestep”
22. Jace Everett – “Bad Things”
23. Cage The Elephant – “Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked”
24. Krista Marie – “Jeep Jeep”
25. K’Jon – “On The Ocean”
26. Jypsi – “Mister Officer”
27. The Bangz – “We Jerkin’ (Boys With Tattoos) (Rockbox Remix)”
28. 3Oh!3 – “Don’t Trust Me”
29. Meercaz – “Unlust”
30. Cam’ron – “Silky (No Homo)”
I usually just guess from the title and band name what the song will be like and rarely actually listen.
I GOT BOBBY BY THE POUUUUUUND
WHITNEY BY THE KEYYYYYYY
Singles in my top twenty that we didn’t review:
MC Lars f. Brett Anderson* & Gabe Saporta “Hey There Ophelia” (probably not really a single, and I usually manage to ignore the actual rap in this rap song)
Rich Boy “Drop”
Jim Jones f. Ryan Leslie “Precious”
Jamey Johnson “High Cost Of Living”
Nicki Minaj “Beam Me Up Scotty”
Hilary Duff “Any Other Day”
Champion DJ “Baako” (have no idea if it’s this year, though it’s certainly this decade, and it probably features the youngest lead singer ever to use AutoTune)
Jim Jones “Na Na Nana Na Na”
Lily Allen “The Fear”
*She of the Donnas
Totally forgot about that Hilary track and “Baako,” both of which probably have a shot.
“Behind Enemy Lines” by Demi Lovato isn’t technically a single, but it’s in my top ten anyway (it’s her best song of the year by some distance, though I do like “Every Time You Lie” and a few others off of her new album quite a bit).
Fave jerk track of the year is Audio Push’s “Teach Me How to Jerk” (Keke Palmer’s 100% Radio Disney-ready “Superjerkin’” is great too) fave shoulda-been-a-single of the year (may still be a single next year?) is “Shit Popped Off” by T.I./Dr. Dre.
As for reviewing singles, I just look at what people are saying about them on the internet and copy opinions when I agree with them and project bad ideas onto the songs at the expense of saying anything enlightening about them when I disagree. That’s how I figured out that the Dirty Projectors are actually singing about how health care reform proposals in Congress are too sweeping and will needlessly add to the deficit. HOW COULD THEY REALLY THINK THAT?
I’m gonna have to disagree here Rodney as I think there’d be a much better kind of suspense with the groups and draw known beforehand. Hopefully we’ll get the full draw after the group stage. Should two songs from the same group do well, would they meet in the semis (which a real daft thing about football world cups) or in the final? (better).
And can you do something about those listing song in the responses to “In contrast to most other music websites, who have opted for the more traditional list format”?
But those aren’t traditional lists!
I fear lists of unreviewed singles might become a tradition.
I hope so!
Chuck, ‘High Cost of Living’ and ‘I Need a Bailout’ are GREAT outlaw country!
[...] right now. They are The Stylus Decade and The Singles Jukebox 2009 Best-Off (it starts way back here), which are both Stylus Magazine related (the former even more so than the latter). The Decade is [...]