The Singles Jukebox

Steve Holdsworth: So then, Group 5 of the first round of The Singles Jukebox End-of-Year Best-Off 2009 – stupidly long title, if you ask me, but that’s just my opinion. Five songs here, though: Busy Signal, who is… Jamaican, single called “Da Style Deh”. Apparently it’s done rather well, though I’ve no idea why, unlike our next contender, “Electro Movimiento” by the Puerto Rican group Calle 13 featuring Cuci Amador. All the stuff with the rapping, and the pantsuits, and the ninjas, that’s all rubbish, but that chorus is really nice, you know, really very… good. “Trap Goin’ Ham” by Pill, who is from… Atlanta… which is in the state of Georgia, of course… that’s another one I like, because a problem with a lot of the singers today, they brag about the cars and the women, but Pill is bragging about an actual skill – not about what he’s bought, but an actual skill. “My name’s Pill, I’m very good at baking, and I take great pride in my ability in… that… field.” That’s what you want to see, and for my money, pop music today would be in a far better state if more people followed his example, rather than this next wally, Ne-Yo, and “Part of the List”, which is a man singing about a list. Really. That’s it. But, well, if that’s what people want, then, well, tremendous, and I say they’re welcome to it, you know, I’m not going to stop them, but just don’t expect me to like it, because I ain’t gonna. But that’s just my opinion, of course, you’re welcome to disagree, but what I will say about this last one, “I’m On a Boat” by The Lonely Island and T-Pain – if you’re going to be on a boat, wearing a trench coat, then you should be wearing trousers. Wearing a trench coat with swimming trunks… frankly, I have been on boats, lots of boats, many boats, and I can say that on… pretty much any of those boats, if you’d dressed like that, you would not have found yourself on that boat for very long. Anyway, enough of me – two of these songs get to go through to the next round, so we’d better get on with things…

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Frank Kogan: Surely, this is the Group Of Death, top two running neck-and-neck and three and four only a hair behind. I give the Group Cup to the Lonely Island ’cause of how exuberantly they splish and splash into the ocean-bath of foamy, undeserved luxury (5 points). Ne-Yo at number two is the opposite, the guy in his thin sweet voice obsessively listing all he lost when he lost the woman, wounding himself with quick little jabs, onto infinity (3 points). It’s only in the context of those two that Busy Signal’s gorgeous ululations sound a bit standard (2 points). Sorry Mr. Signal that I’m not ranking you higher. (Btw, the GreenMoney Liquid Re-Rub of Busy Signal’s “Tic Toc” is a sure thing for my end of the year top fifty.) Meanwhile “Trap Goin’ Ham” is dogged, eye-level dealing under the sparkling, menacing Georgia night. Love the style, though this decade’s given us scores of similarly good tracks from Jeezy et al (1 point). “Electro Movimiento” is glum boys having fun, is the only one here that feels forced and tired: Cuci Amador is too cautious to go full-scale into the freestyle passion that the song promises, and the Calle guys can’t zing the beats or the words like they need to. This isn’t bad, but it’s indie (0 points).

STANDINGS: Lonely 5, Ne-Yo 3, Signal 2, Pill 1, Calle 0

Andrew Casillas: The win here HAS to go to Calle 13 (5 points). Not many rap acts could make the sort of obtuse, sardonic, and progressive music that they make, and “Electro Movimiento” only ups the insanity–it’s a wonderful mix of Daft Punk, 808, and John Travolta. “Trap Goin’ Ham” (3 points)and “I’m on a Boat” (2 points)get points for imaginative lyricism, but “Trap Goin’ Ham” didn’t need a music video to keep my interested. While I’m also quite a big fan of Ne-Yo’s, and Year of the Gentleman in particular, “Part of the List” was a bit overwrought for my tastes (1 point). If the production were any lighter, it could pass for a Backstreet Boys album track. And while I’m sure Busy Signal has better songs, but “Da Style Deh” kept making me wonder why Dizzee Rascal was yelling indecipherable things at me (0 points).

STANDINGS: Lonely 7, Calle 5, Ne-Yo 4, Pill 4, Signal 2

Melissa Bradshaw: Busy Signal is up there with the best of Ninjaman (5 points). Ne-Yo comes second because I can’t help my soft spot for the perfect RnB ballad (3 points). “I’m On a Boat” is such an obvious joke but they carry it the fuck off (plus satirising autotone needs to be done this year) (2 points). Pill is brilliant but there’s not enough to distinguish him yet (1 point). Calle 13 reminds me of my problem with “Heads Will Roll” – too much looking to the 80s for a new direction – but my judgment may be impaired by not being saturated in reggaeton (0 points)?

STANDINGS: Lonely 9, Signal 7, Ne-Yo 7, Calle 5, Pill 5

Rodney J. Greene: I’ll take Busy Signal’s goofy Africanisms (3 points) over Calle 13’s goofy freestylisms (2 points) over the Lonely Island’s goofy Khaledisms (0 points) and Pill’s goofy food metaphors over any of them (5 points), possibly because he’s the only one from that list who can put his absurdities over with a straight face. I’ve gotten more play out of “Trap Goin’ Ham” than just about any track this year and the contrast between its novelty and dead-serious urgency is one of its greatest strengths. The Ne-Yo (1 point) and Calle 13 songs were old hat to me by the beginning of the year, let alone when we reviewed them, but while Shaffer’s well-crafted ballad has remained solid and steady, the Puertoricanos’ ’80s pastiche has seperated from its flavor, gotten back together, and tied the knot.

STANDINGS: Signal 10, Pill 10, Lonely 9, Ne-Yo 8, Calle 7

Jordan Sargent: “Trap Goin’ Ham” is a song that rightfully launched mini-stardom (5 points). Its energy is unbridled, and like most singles, it finds its rapper splitting the difference between great lyricism and lyrics that work for a single. Pill writes better, but this showcases the total package. What I love about “Da Style Deh” (3 points) is its open space— it doesn’t pummel like a ton of dancehall (from what I can tell Busy excels at this); instead, it simmers and bubbles and has a few great hooks to boot. It might not work in the steamiest of clubs, but it’s better for it. “Part of the List” is a great little song that it seems like only Ne-Yo would have the balls to write (amongst his R&B contemporaries), and while I think its theme is a bit cheesy, it has an undeniable, yet measured, chorus (2 points). I would like “I’m on a Boat” a bit more if it didn’t underutilize T-Pain as a signpost (1 point). Samberg and co. revealed themselves to be more shrewd hip-hop satirists than I anticipated, but skewering Khaled Culture and relegating T-Pain to ad-libs kind of misses the point. As for “Electro Movimiento,” well, I prefer Gaga (0 points).

STANDINGS: Pill 15, Signal 13, Ne-Yo 10, Lonely 10, Calle 7

Edward Okulicz: “Electro Movimiento” has to get the gong (5 points) here just because its chorus could destroy an entire city. I’m not big into the verses which are more mumbled than rapped, but even when my fellow jukeboxers could feel a bit of robot/machine metaphor fatigue, the cry of “break the circuitry” hits hard in the head and the feet. “Part of the List” is a generic Ne-Yo fourth single, or whatever, but if it’s filler, or not as good as “Closer” or any of the n thousand hits he’s written for other people, it’s immaculately crafted, charismatically-delivered filler. Wet lyrics, top tune, basically (3 points). “I’m On A Boat” might be the year’s best joke strung out a verse too far (2 points), and I have to admit as annoying as the chorus is, the gags in the verses are actually authentically bad-ass (for white people) AND preposterously silly. I’ve put Busy Signal in fourth as I can tell it’s a quality example of a genre I don’t care about (1 point) and because “Trap Goin’ Ham” makes me want to go on an adorable kitten killing spree because it so fills me with hate and other bad feelings (0 points).

STANDINGS: Pill 15, Signal 14, Ne-Yo 13, Calle 12, Lonely 12

Kat Stevens: Ne-Yo proved the least memorable (0 points), Calle 13 doesn’t stand out amongst the rest of this year’s electro (1 point). The other three are all highly enjoyable (Busy Signal, 2 points) (more songs about ham please (3 points)) but Lonely Island is the one I will sing at the top of my voice through the T-Pain iPhone app, nautical themed pashmina afghan fluttering in the sea breeze (5 points).

STANDINGS: Pill 18, Lonely 17, Signal 16, Calle 13, Ne-Yo 13

Michaelangelo Matos: Given how much I loved Year of the Gentleman, Ne-Yo is a gimme (5 points), but this group ranked itself. The Pill track grew on me big time (3 points), Busy Signal is a lovely glossy thing, but I honestly never remember either very well until they’re playing again (2 points). There’s a kind of anodyne quality to this batch that marks it as very 2009: if you’re paying close attention there’s pleasure to be had, but I’d never try to sell anyone on its richness in whole. Especially with a just-OK Calle 13 track (1 point) and a not-funny-the-first-time Lonely Island one rounding it out (0 points).

STANDINGS: Pill 21, Signal 18, Ne-Yo 18, Lonely 17, Calle 14

Matt Cibula: Tough as my 2/3 are more or less tied with 4 — the Lonely Island track is kind of funny (and I quoted it the last time I was on a boat) but it’s weak as a single (0 points) compared with African-chomping dancehall (Busy Signal, 1 point), swoony weird laments (Ne-Yo, 2 points), and post-T.I. regretful drug tales (Pill, 3 points). Still, overall I will always side with Calle 13 (5 points), simply one of the most inventive, nimble-witted, sarcastically passionate musical acts we have ever had.

STANDINGS: Pill 24, Ne-Yo 20, Signal 19, Calle 19, Lonely 17

Tal Rosenberg: I wish I’d heard the Busy Signal song earlier, since I love the fluidity with which the beat moves. The backdrop is all liquid: Gulps of saliva as bass beats, bongos like stones skipping across smooth streams, snaps falling like raindrops. Busy Signal is gracefully flailing in all the spray, while an aurally smiling chorus sings joyfully behind him (5 points). Is there anything more to say about Lonely Island at this point, other than reiterating that it’s become the meme-that’s-more-than-a-meme. The beat is boilerplate, so for my money I prefer the overcooked and funnier “Like a Boss” (3 points). Calle 13 can’t swagger like T.I, Lil Wayne, or Kanye, but they can swagger nonetheless; Cuci Amador, on the other hand, doesn’t have the sass to match; the beat reminds me of Boney M, kinda (2 points). I don’t think Ne-Yo should have chosen “Part of the List” as a single, personally, since I think even as a slow jam it’s going into incense-and-candles a la Babyface territory, and thus it risks becoming a little too sentimental. Still wish that “So You Can Cry,” the best song Marvin Gaye or Stevie Wonder never wrote, was a single (1 point). Pill’s song is heavy metal caterwauling as rap. And I should care because (0 points)?

STANDINGS: Signal 24, Pill 24, Calle 21, Ne-Yo 21, Lonely 20

Alfred Soto: This group proves how grunts, pansexualism, vocoders, and T-Pain are universal solvents. The video for “Trap Goin’ Ham” really sold the song by reveling in every ghetto signifier: booze, blunts, forties, and booty. Big booties. Writhing booties in closeup. Booties on hot summer days (5 points). Which is why the title of Ne-Yo’s plaint is the ideal followup and the perfect response: he wants her to remember his booty, in case she assumed he was gay (3 points). Meanwhile Busy Signal reminds him where the action is should he fail (2 points). The rest (Calle 13 1 point, The Lonely Island 0 points) is electric relaxation, in which warm human bodies have no place unless you’re squeezing past Lycra on your way to the club’s bar.

FINAL STANDINGS

1. Pill, “Trap Goin’ Ham” – 29 points
2. Busy Signal, “Da Style Deh” – 26 points
3. Ne-Yo, “Part of the List” – 24 points
4. Calle 13 ft. Cuci Amador, “Electro Movimiento” – 22 points
5. The Lonely Island ft. T-Pain, “I’m On a Boat” – 20 points

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Another close one, then, though in the end it winds up being a fairly comfortable win for Pill, with Busy Signal edging out Ne-Yo for the runner-up spot. Calle 13 and Lonely Island both put in decent showings without ever really threatening to trouble the second-round draw.

The next group, though. Oh boy. That one gets kinda hectic, and it’ll be up this afternoon…