Friday, February 26th, 2010

JLS – One Shot

With a bit of luck, we’re gonna have a busy old day on here…


Kat Stevens: It’s rather defeatist for JLS to claim there is only “one shot” at success (whether it be in love or singing competitions), perhaps even hypocritical. Dudes, you came second yet are still doing Quite Well! The lyrics are worryingly similar to all the other obstacle-overcoming goal-achieving winner’s songs we’ve had to suffer for the last decade – it makes one wonder if this is a Louis Walsh Special. The trance synths weaving around the mushy platitudes don’t have enough momentum to stop everyone nodding off at the back, stopping and starting like they can’t remember whether they left the gas on or not. JLS are lovely boys and good singers, but with this unimaginative chart ballast they are fast using up all my reserves of goodwill.

Michaelangelo Matos: “You only get one shot/So make it count/You might never get this moment again.” For the sake of our ears, let’s hope you don’t.

Martin Skidmore: A dull heavily autotuned ballad start, but then we get some pulsing rave noises and it picks up a bit. I liked when there were two voices at work, but it’s sort of a weak song, and I think they are only quite good singers. I am still unconvinced that they are our new great boyband.

Doug Robertson: It’s the third single, so naturally heartfelt balladry is put centre stage for a boy band who are remarkably successful given how remarkably bland they are. There’s a few bleeps and electronic swooshes in the background in an attempt to make them seem vaguely edgy, but ultimately the desperation not to offend is offensive in itself.

John Seroff: It’s almost impressive how many bad impulses and creatively bankrupt gimmicks are on display here. There’s the cynical emotional manipulation of Ryan Tedder, the bland autojuked “urban/Mickey Mouse club” indistinction of Iyaz or Jay Sean, the empty-headed beatjacking and flaccid swagger of BEP. It’s a thick syrup of PRODUCT so concentrated that it should be doled out in a pump dispenser with requisite warning labels.

Matt Cibula: This contains every element I usually clown singles for but I kind of like it anyway. Like Lonnie Lynn once said, “I’m a vegan but I still gotta get that cheese.”

Chuck Eddy: Boy-to-boy relationship advice, possibly nodding to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” and considerably more persuasive in Backstreet mode than AutoTune mode. The Europop synth break is a cute touch, though.

Erick Bieritz: There’s a rather decent jam somewhere in here – it peeks through in the “magazines, glossy magazines” and “da-da-da” bits, and the slow jam pace suits the moment-in-time subject matter. But if they wanted to make something for the club, they should have dumped some funky on it, rather than sliming it with this Euro ick.

David Moore: Dance-pop synths and sluggish balladry react like acid and base, resulting in disappointing soggy volcano.

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