My rapping skills ended up online — I’m screwed! Oh well…

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[3.17]

Brad Shoup: It’s a signed confession: via internal monologue, Bobby Anthony retraces the steps that led his victim into Snoop Dogg’s van. Indiscriminate use of Auto-Tune and an approximation of a decent Kaskade track dates crime to 2007. Simplistic couplets and flow — as well as the invitation to “be my friend” — indicate victim was likely underage. The last words spoken before the suspects’ lawyer arrived: “Don’t act like you don’t drunk dial too!”
[5]

Erick Bieritz: A noisy, obnoxious pop house track that is an awful match for Snoop, going about half again too fast for the Doggfather’s laid-back delivery; these tracks are better suited to malleable pop rappers. The less said about the chummy over-familiarity of the lyrics the better, except maybe that they make “Last Friday Night” look subtle and clever by comparison.
[1]

Katherine St Asaph: More wish fulfillment, this time for nebbishes and 12-year-olds who’ve been led through song to believe in a carnival of financially attainable bottles and socially attainable models behind the stone slabs of your local suburban nightclub. Most songs are like this, of course; casting every-hoper Bobby Anthony as lead rather than a slick Usher type just makes it obvious. Snoop makes a passable Charon; his inflection on “this might be your last night!” is all you need to hear. Meanwhile, Ian Carey proves someone took Guetta’s Fuck Me I’m Famous branding seriously.
[4]

Jer Fairall: Autotune, a smug asshole Jersey Shore wannabe, rhyming “drinking” with “thinking,” lazy Guetta-style beats, Snoop Dogg cameos — this is less a song than a compendium of things the world currently needs far less of.
[2]

Jonathan Bogart: Pitbull did it better.
[4]

Alfred Soto: The verses are clumsy enough for “Summer Girls”-era LFO, but don’t panic: the beat wouldn’t even grace David Guetta’s presets. 
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