All-Hip-Hop Thursday! HRRNK-HRRNK HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNK!!!…
Michaelangelo Matos: A quick check of Urban Dictionary nets “A nickname for a girl whose vagina smells of cheese and crackers” (uh, great), “The very wrong act of wearing white socks and sandals” (er, doubt it), “A respectful alternative to, ‘Jesus Christ!'” (something tells me if that’s what Browz meant to say, he’d say it), and something too stupid to bother cut-and-pasting. Anyway, stupid metaphor, lame chorus, and a production job I’d like a whole lot more if it were attached to something else.
Martin Skidmore: I’ve not heard anything quite like this — all sorts of off-kilter and off-key sounds thrown into the mix, plus tuneless backing vocals on the chorus, with Browz having fun on top. I suspect he is a more interesting producer than rapper, not that his rapping is bad, and I want to hear lots more of him.
Ian Mathers: This has the dumbest sounding, most annoying hook on a rap song in many a day (at least among those we’ve covered here). I feel like someone more talented than Browz could have done something with that dangerously listing, quesy sounding synth hook, but here it just sounds goofy. Bonus demerit points for resurrecting “p-noid” from that awful Clipse song.
Kat Stevens: I loved “Trap Goin Ham”, a song dedicated to the wondrous foodstuff that is ham. I adore ham (and pies). So to be logically consistent I should also like “Cheese & Crackers”. The problem is that low quality ham (e.g. the sort of ham you get on pizza) is still pretty tasty and just a little bit of extra time and effort can make it a true delicacy. Whereas cheese is a more complex beast: shit cheese doesn’t even taste of cheese, and even with posh cheese the categories of flavour veer so wildly apart that it’s difficult to say confidently “I will like this cheese because it is cheese” (difficult but not impossible). If this was brie, I’m sure it would be palatable, but I have an awful feeling it’s that gruyere sitting in the fridge that I’m too scared to unwrap from its clingfilm so I can chuck it in the compost.
Jordan Sargent: I have a problem with the general conceit of this song. If cheese isn’t good enough, I usually go for a fine pork product of some sort. And it’s not like chanting “cheese with salamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” would be any more retarded than this song already is.
John Seroff: As mindless club cuts go, you could do worse that “Cheese and Crackers”; there’s a solid danceable beat under all that bullshit and a siren hook that’s eminently easy to segue to and from. As hip hop, it’s not particularly adroit, clever or original. As a producer/rapper Browz is more 2010 Timbaland than ’05 Kanye. As music you’d choose to listen to off the dance floor (or critical) path, it’s wholly unnecessary unless you really need a bookend to Cam’s “Cookies and Apple Juice” on your nappytime snacks mix. Choose your poison.