Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

Taio Cruz ft. Ke$ha – Dirty Picture

Look out for the sequel, “I Deeply Regret the Embarrassment I Have Caused the Club, My Teammates, and Most of All the Fans” (ft. Nicki Minaj)…


Doug Robertson: Of course, anyone with even a passing acquaintance with the tabloids knows, sending dirty pictures if you’re even vaguely famous never ends well, and you’ve got your MMS bill to consider on top of that as well. Anyway, this takes a while to get going, and once it does it doesn’t really go anywhere, content to lazily sleaze around the beat, rather than actually doing anything properly interesting, but the groove it does have going on is nicely grimy and dirty, so you can understand their reluctance to leave it. It’s more XX than XXX though.

Anthony Easton: In the age of the net, is there any picture that could be called right and truly dirty? Needs more Ke$sha, who would at least make it sound skankier.

John Seroff: I feel like I’ve been pretty indulgent with Ke$ha’s Baby Gaga, aren’t-I-a-bad-girl act until now, but when taken in tandem with soporific Cruz over a watered-down Guetta-esque house track there has to come a reckoning. C’mon, Ke$h: Aguilera’s videos have her gyrating in rhinestone studded BDSM gear and vajazzled leotards, Ciara is ticking and grinding reverse cowgirl like she’s got a gun to her head and the best you can do is a clunky flip phone nip slip? Peaches wept.

Jonathan Bogart: Three points for Ke$ha, though aside from some gurgling electro-voice on the bridge she doesn’t particularly get to be Ke$ha here. One point for the gleaming sawtooth synths, still reading as decadent and sophisticated after all these years. No points for Taio Cruz. He was an inoffensive intrusion on a song I only listened to for Ludacris, but here he can’t even manage to sound properly creepy.

Katherine St Asaph: This is pretty odious: the attempted-epic backing for what is basically Taio admitting his lack of imagination, the pointless step-by-stepping of “send the dirty picture to me” (as opposed to what, leaving it on the hard drive?), the thuddingly predictable “picture”/”with ya” rhyme, every iteration of “snap!” But worst of all is the implication that said pictures will be all over the Internet within the week (he’s only gonna break your heart, after all). And if the video’s any indication, they’ll be framed by a toilet bowl. Ke$ha’s version could have been an improvement if it only committed to its gender flip.

Michaelangelo Matos: The “Oh, snap” chant almost made me want to find something redeeming about this, but no, it’s just totally obvious robo-pop that sounds inordinately pleased with itself over this idea: Cruz wants to see you, so you should photograph yourself nude and send it his way, preferably over the internet. Maybe he’ll show his brahs on IM.

Iain Mew: The misty-eyed sincerity of the first verse becomes hilarious in the context of the base appeals that follow. Taio is actually rather better at the former though, being utterly outclassed by both Ke$ha and the gritty, glitchy backing when it comes to dirty. Marks off for the Autotune splatter — it’s like getting the titular pictures and only being able to concentrate on the obvious Photoshopping.

Martin Skidmore: I rather like his slightly husky tones, and the synths sometimes threaten to turn into an old rave track and sometimes stay as muscular electro-dance, which are also good things. I’m less sure about the song: we’ve had a bunch of modern-culture numbers lately, and perhaps it’s because I am ancient that they seem tedious. I guess I also suspect that what is mainstream conventional sexuality is presented as something exciting and daring, though I may be imagining that self-satisfaction here, I suppose.

Ian Mathers: Normally I quite like Cruz, and the intro here isn’t bad – but three minutes later, he and the always-insufferable Ke$ha (how does her voice sound so smug and joyless, all the time?) have managed to repeat the words “dirty picture” so often that they’ve drained any eroticism, fun, lewdness, or anything else appealing from them. The rest of the song isn’t that bad, really.

3 Responses to “Taio Cruz ft. Ke$ha – Dirty Picture”

  1. Definitely not the only one imagining the self-satisfaction. Dirty pictures stopped being transgressive around the fifth sexting-panic article. (And then remained that way for the next five thousand.)

  2. Yeah, the fact that this unattractive 50 year old was used to sending and receiving dirty pictures online about ten years ago made the idea of that being some hip new thing seem rather dated and weak.

  3. Sorry, I realise that is a thought no one who knows me wants in their head.