Who loves orange soda?…

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[5.58]

John Seroff: Or “International’s Player’s Anthem: The Prequel”. Strong production takes the edge off all three rappers’ imminently disposable verses with Jay sounding the strongest between Jeezy’s disinterested ramblings and the flimsy-of-late André storytelling minus a story, but it’s not enough to make this thug love balladry any more necessary.
[4]

Michaela Drapes: “International Players Anthem” this isn’t; I guess that’s the point, since “I Do” seems to be an extremely tardy response to “Single Ladies” and “Love in this Club”, perhaps? At any rate, there’s something terribly disappointing about everything within; the sample is stale, the rhymes convoluted and dull — it’s rather difficult to find anything to love here.
[2]

Michelle Myers: Had this been released in 2006, perhaps we would know it as the obsolete predecessor of “Int’l Players Anthem” or as another example of the influence of Kanye West on mid-decade rap beats. In 2012, it feels weirdly off-trend in sort of classicist way, with it’s married-to-the-game metaphors, Jeezy’s gruffly masculine tone, Jay’s morbid “till death do us part” crack rap, and especially André’s heartfelt, mystical vision of L-O-V-E.
[7]

Alex Ostroff: This feels like it was unearthed from a decade ago. Jeezy’s voice remains a pleasure — there’s something about the roughness of it that’s incredibly comforting, especially when set against the lush production. The first half of Jay’s verse is as embarrassing as most of what he’s done post-retirement but the latter half, overtop the swirling chipmunked vocals, hearkens back to the days when Kanye productions were still something I anticipated eagerly, and when Jay-Z knew what to do with them. There are shades of “Song Cry” here. André remains delightfully weird, even if the “putting a baby butterfly up in your lil’ cocoon” part was a bit much.
[7]

Brad Shoup: Does anyone else have fond memories of chipmunking? No? Ah well. Finally settled in Jeezy’s hands, “I Do” becomes the cross-pollination of “Big Poppa” and “Int’l Players’ Anthem”. M16’s stringing together of multiple Lenny Williamses has to be an intentional homage to the latter. Though André’s verse is the oldest, neither Jay nor Jeezy picks up his theme: they go the crack route, which, interestingly, has Jay both catching the bouquet and singing a bit. As is his wont of late, Dre’s got his genius-under-boughs thing going, but the greatest thing is Jeezy doing his best Kel on the chorus. 
[7]

Jer Fairall: No current rapper mixes bravado with such a brutally poignant sense of fatalism than Jeezy. The rich timbre of his voice is macho vulnerability personified, menacing, commanding, poetic and even warm in equal measure, a 21st century street thug variation on a doomed 1950s Brando antihero. Putting him alongside a Godfather figure like Jay and a brilliantly crazed jester like André (which, now that I’ve trapped myself within an extended Brando analogy, makes André, if anything, the charming trickster of Bedtime Story, perhaps) only serves to highlight Jeezy’s uneasy charisma alongside more assured performers. As a track, “I Do” is a bit too meandering to take full advantage of its star’s jittery intensity, but the horns are easy on the ears, and even with Jay slacking a bit, the company is far too good for this to feel like the throwaway it might have been.
[7]

Jonathan Bradley: Jeezy makes an awkward romantic, even one whose invocation of the altar is lust-struck rather than swooning. His grainy wheeze sounds great over chopped up soul, and he even manages to make it sound like he’s actually feeling something when he raps “You know we both hustlers, so hustlin’ is our world.” (Shame that line completes a world/world rhyme — right after a contact/contact rhyme. Jeezy is no stranger to lyrical laziness, but he’s usually much better at hiding it.) Meanwhile, Jay experiments with some stuttering that only sounds like he couldn’t be bothered coming up with any words to say, and Three Stacks turns in yet another verse demonstrating that he hasn’t actually been withholding anything worthwhile from us over the past few years of his semi-retirement.
[5]

Alfred Soto: Except for André and his odd flow (and his spoken-word book-nook rhyme), nobody’s trying very hard, including the name above his credits. It’s about time these guys realize these tracks are really about pledging their troth to each other, not a nameless woman who deserves better.
[3]

Matt Cibula: Too bad there’s no word for the opposite of “inspired,” as that would apply here. Oh wait that word does exist, my bad. Still enough talent to be not wholly horrible, but I guess sometimes there is a reason songs get dropped from albums a couple times before getting released.
[4]

Josh Langhoff: Shame about Jay-Z’s verse, whose historical ripples will only draw continuing attention to its central wackness, but everything else here is ace: M16’s unhinged soul euphoria of a beat, Mr. Benjamin back in stylized mode (he’s entitled), Jeezy’s implication that I should be a more generous Tooth Fairy… Honestly, I love Jeezy in ways I don’t entirely understand. Much as I miss all his little interjections, parsing the placement of each “HaHAAAA” and “Yeeeeaaaahhhh” and whatever, I could listen to this guy rhyme words with themselves all day long.
[8]

Katherine St Asaph: Only André’s limber enough to make sense with this beat; for everyone else, it’s like a guest who crashes the wedding, stumbles into people and topples the tables, then gets kicked out only to somehow crash it again two minutes later.
[6]

Zach Lyon: Yes, this is “Int’l Playas Anthem” Pt. 2, but that certainly isn’t a bad thing. The difference is that this one has a chorus as its main hook, and it’s about as exuberant as a Jeezy hook might get. And as glorious a hook you might hear on rap radio.
[7]