Wait, is this supposed to be a pun on farmer’s daughter? That’s an awful long way to go for such a whiff of a punchline.
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Iain Mew: “You’re a pretty little flower” sounds patronising and horrible even before you get to the flower/bee metaphor, which gets more disgusting the more you think about it. Really, any strengths which “Beekeeper’s Daughter” has as a catchy pop song (which are only the level of an album track from Panic! at the Disco’s Britpop phase) actually make it worse, when they’re being used in service of such a revolting narrative. The singer’s take on the narrator: “He’s an asshole, but at that point in my life, I was kind of an asshole. As we were making Kids in the Street, I went from that to being a completely humbled guy who’s looking at his reflection saying, ‘Wow, what have I done?’” Which doesn’t explain why he’s only put the first half of that story into song, or make things any better.
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Katherine St Asaph: I will defend “Gives You Hell” at humiliating length, but this? This bro-turned-bee needs to hit up a Venus fly trap. It’d muffle his voice, at least.
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Jer Fairall: The Anorexic Rick Springfield gives himself a cock rock makeover with enough leering misogyny to put Chad Kroeger to shame and an ugly mess of wah wah guitars and cheeseball horns that make his band sound older than David Lee Roth looks.
[2]
Brad Shoup: Ten years on, and that gets the Jects thinking about legacy! They grab a snatch of that Pepperland folderol (as all Nice Boys must eventually do), an evocative title, and a rare captive guitar solo. But the difference between horseshit like “Gives You Hell” and this — a self-conscious portrait of the artist as a young asshole — is still one of degree, not kind. Both evince a sleepwriting lyrical bent. By all means, depict the dickwad… just know that he works better if he’s given something compelling to say. The singalong bit isn’t half as interesting as that title, but it’s streets ahead of the text.
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Anthony Easton: Doesn’t the queen have all of the power in hives, all of those men around her — isn’t this why Lil Kim called herself the Queen Bee? Bad metaphors fail the track.
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John Seroff: The mating call of the North American Asshole may be recognized by its signature bray, semi-ironic appropriation of such twee rock hallmarks as toy piano and recorder, dipshit lyrics and lazy Guitar Hero licks. It is not to be confused with the Spin Doctor, who shares similar plumage but whose meat is far more succulent. Beekeepers, hide your daughters. Americans, cover your ears.
[3]
Alfred Soto: Daft enough to think this was a Tori Amos cover, I was also stupid enough to think there was life in the title metaphor, especially when bros Tom Petty and Blake Shelton have done alright by it. From the pedestrian chug of the guitars to the sneering way in which the singer admits “Monogamy’s not a part of me” while sticking his cold beer-stained hand between your legs, this track was created by and for other bros. They may not run the world but they still act as if they do.
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Zach Lyon: There was a real asshole within a few of my circles in college who notoriously kept (and still keeps, without a doubt) a PowerPoint presentation featuring slides of all the girls he’s slept with, pictures and all. He’ll show anyone who asks. And he’s always looked like Tyson Ritter, but in this video, what with the whole likable-but-not-really asshole womanizer shtick taken to new heights, I can imagine Joe watching it and thinking new spirit animal! I can’t shake the comparison. I can’t in good conscience give this song a lower score because it just isn’t noticeable enough, but if it starts to erode my love of “Gives You Hell” and their early High School Converse High-Top Jamz like I think it will, I reserve the right to change my mind.
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W.B. Swygart: Oh look, it’s All Time Low with a hangover! Merry Christmas!
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