The Singles Jukebox

Let’s not…

[Video]
[2.14]

Micha Cavaseno: Yet another installment in the persistent battle against the reality that Zayn is not the star that the industry is happy to break their back over. “Let Me” features vocals that are both shrill and emotionally devoid, a generic gloop of faux-Miguel/Weeknd vibes smoothed out to Kenny G status, and lyrics that could only be the result of someone who’s never been told that just because they’re pretty they’re not romantic (duvets and vanilla ice cream?) delivered with no sense of melody. It’s an appalling error, and were this some sort of bizarre viral construction that we were all mocking on Twitter for a week I’d be less taken aback, but no! It’s a Zayn single.
[0]

Katherine St Asaph: Limpid ’80s schlock revived by kids who listen to “Africa” as a meme, gooey-strummy ’00s boy-band ballad schlock revived by a singer whose boy-band era had better songs, ’10s Zayn career revived by someone, for some reason. Extra point because a sex song involving “vanilla ice cream” is a self-own so hilariously vicious I’m not convinced it was an accident.
[1]

Will Adams: Zayn being unconvincing as a ~sweet, tender lover~ is a given by now, but “Let Me” takes it to hilarious levels. The diner booth vinyl R&B appears cribbed from Bruno Mars, and Zayn reupholsters it with a pile of hollow references. We’ve got vanilla ice cream from Fifty Shades Freed, dirty dancing as meaningless as Jessie J’s, long walks on the beach from every dating profile parody, and “let me love you”‘s dripping with “PLEEEEASE” subtext from everything.
[2]

Alfred Soto: He doesn’t explain how he can dirty dance one moment yet find duvets, vanilla ice cream, and Billy Ocean guitar licks sexy the next. 
[3]

Claire Biddles: Assuring that “I promise that I’ll be faithful” like only a boy who hasn’t previously been can, Zayn is in Poundshop The Weeknd mode on “Let Me,” a one-size-fits-all breezy slow jam that is too saccharine to be convincing. Carefree Scumbag Boyfriend Zayn™ is way more compelling (and believable!) than Earnest Sex Man Zayn™ — if only he could lean into his overt dirtbag tendencies without filtering them through cringe-y statements like “our sex has meaning.”
[4]

Lauren Gilbert: Zayn appears to be trying to lean into his image as “The One You Lust After,” but really all he’s managing here is “the boring one.”  Musically, it’s forgettable, and the lyrics are even less notable. It’s not bad, but it’s not anything enough to be good either.
[3]

Edward Okulicz: Sounding for all the world like a pound shop Weeknd tried to shoot for some of those “That’s What I Like” money and Grammy trophies, “Let Me” shoots for bath bombs and champagne, but its soft sheet production and invocations of sensuous comfort are as odourless as they are tasteless. Sexless, too, actually worse, because this song could cure arousal in seconds. As if the narrator of this song doesn’t say this to all the girls!
[2]