Tuesday, June 26th, 2018

Tiësto & Dzeko ft. Preme & Post Malone – Jackie Chan

We feel you, Jackie…


Iain Mew: Post Malone on a dance single should be a good fit, with his way of subsuming himself into the service of whatever mood a song’s music is providing. There’s a reasonable low key party mover here that would be more likeable than most of his singles if he just managed to do that. His chorus presents triumph in such clunky form though, in one of those couplets where both sides sound like an awfully tortured fit, as to bring the whole dancefloor skidding to a halt.

Julian Axelrod: Post Malone’s hook is so staggeringly inane I can actually feel my brain cells dying with each line. Unfortunately, that leaves my remaining lizard brain even more vulnerable to the sugar-sweet guitar line, which sounds like a Party Supplies relic forcibly dragged into 2018.

Nicholas Donohoue: Jackie Chan is from Hong Kong, and this is thoughtless “Die Young.” 

Ian Mathers: Huh, so it’s mysterious charisma void Post Malone that finally makes me say, “You know what this track needs? More Tiësto.”

Will Adams: I’m pretty sure I don’t actually have synesthesia but I swear I can hear the frat sweat on this.

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The hook is dumb but I think the bigger issue is that its repetitious nature feels like a cheap attempt at forcing an earworm on the listener. Post Malone is simply too unenthusiastic, and he has me missing Fetty Wap’s theatricality. Everyone else sounds just as limp, and any semblance of musical development is consequently negated.

Stephen Eisermann: If I keep believing that the “sushi from Japan” line is only there to force a rhyme, this is less bad; because if these writers think that Jackie Chan is from Japan… yikes. Regardless, Post Malone’s lax delivery feels weird on such a vibrant production and calling a girl someone’s “bitch” continues to make all culpable men look worse, so better luck next time boys.

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5 Responses to “Tiësto & Dzeko ft. Preme & Post Malone – Jackie Chan”

  1. hahahaha will’s blurb

  2. fun fact: Preme, under his previous (Premevious?) moniker P Reign, was the guest rapper on the Canadian version of Alyssa Reid’s “Alone Again,” a.k.a. one of the lowest-rated songs in Jukebox history

  3. weirdly i’ve found this to be one of Post Malone’s more tolerable songs in recent memory, largely because he’s less loathsome when he’s not working in a hip hop context. that said, the choice of thumbnail made me laugh out loud

  4. i was going to blurb this but i realized that it was too dumb for me to come up with any coherent thoughts around, which i feel is a review in itself.

  5. Great great fact, Will