The Singles Jukebox

He saw us drivin’ round town with the girl he loves.

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Katherine St Asaph: Much like Mozart, the Beatles loved immature jokes. John Lennon and George Harrison came across an unreleased track by songwriter Brute Force called “The King of Fuh,” largely an excuse to say “the Fuh king” over and over again. They added the finest sweep of the London Philharmonic Orchestra’s strings and released a couple thousand copies for the lads. Now it’s official Apple Records canon, it had a David Copeland-directed musical adaptation at the Players Club (tragically, no footage exists online, but actor resumes do), and it lives on as a glorious musical joke. The lesser Beatle (sorry, Mom) removing the pun, adding Ryan Tedder, and recording a Lukas Graham song is a terrible musical joke.
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Alfred Soto: After dreading a Ryan Tedder production on a McCartney track almost as badly as I dreaded Trump winning Pennsylvania, I realized this isn’t terrible — the casual smut bears Tedder’s fingerprints, but his client, after all, once wrote, “Tell me to press/Right there, that’s it, YES.” The vintage keyboards and the way falsetto segues into guitar are pure McCartney. Then “Fuh You” turned anthemic: Tedder can’t produce a song until he’s sure he can lead the parade. And the song is called “Fuh You.” I can’t forgive that, Paul. 
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Ian Mathers: That title just fucking looms, doesn’t it? You know it’s coming, and if you have much sympathy for McCartney you’re hoping it’s not going to be deployed in as thuddingly obvious fashion as it seems like it must, but, no… there it is, like an old relative cracking a wet fart in company because they think it’s funny. The unexpectedly wince-inducing thing about “Fuh You” is this doesn’t even sound like McCartney. Somehow he’s lost most of the character in his voice, and the production and performance feels like Generic Modern Product. Even the embarrassing stuff, before, always sounded like Paul McCartney.
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Edward Okulicz: It’s not that McCartney is too old to get away with saying he wants to fuck you, it’s that he’s an adult and is too old to not say he wants to fuck you while tittering about it because gosh, he kind of did say it. “I just want it fuh (for) you” is not a thing people say, and it makes zero sense in context with the rest of the chorus and especially not from someone who once wrote a song called “Why Don’t We Do it in The Road?” for god’s sake. I mean, this is basically “The Fox” or a Kunt & The Gang song, isn’t it? Quite apart from that, this song just sounds terrible in every way, not least because McCartney sounds like he has a head cold and is being recorded through a wall.
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Thomas Inskeep: a) Ryan Tedder (producer and co-writer here) sucks. Why do oldsters like U2 and now Macca keep going to him for hits which, frankly, he cannot bring them? b) Ew. c) Ew. d. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew! There is no reason for this song to exist at all.
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Will Adams: It’s 2018, and trollgaze is alive and well. One of rock’s biggest legends pairing up with Ryan Tedder for a song to file in the “OMG they said what?” cabinet of legacy acts’ comeback singles? The scandal! I can’t fully hate “Fuh You,” thanks to its ability to piss off Beatles fans (never give up the fight!), and the fact that, titular BS aside, this is a terminally bland song.
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Iain Mew: He goes for “aw, shuhs” but he’s out of luh, with a cloying affect and a mix full of muh. In short, it suhs. 
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