Thursday, February 21st, 2019

CupcakKe – Squidward Nose

This is definitely a song about a nose. Definitely.

Ian Mathers: Laugh rule.

Alfred Soto: She’s running out of limbs to which she can compare a penis, so she settles on toes and sells it with a chorus of Hemingway-worthy simplicity. Horn blasts, enthusiastic if not sycophantic backing vocal, post-Timbo “Asian” program — “Squidward Nose” could’ve come out in 2017 or 2012. Before the audience complains about sameness, let me remind them that Trump’s America needs eight thousand female rappers whose cock craze will make dudes think she’s belittling them. In 2020 I won’t need this, nor, I hope, will CupcakKe.

Nicholas Donohoue: I don’t think any song has come more fully birthed from the thigh of Generation-Z internet culture: meme subject lines, rapid-fire samples to pepper the beat, SpongeBob being the Rosetta Stone to translating situations for the uninitiated. The line of upfront rudeness and humor with calculated malice on deserving targets and clear lines on the fantasy, that’s such a welcome addition to what realness in hip hop could be. I also appreciate any project that opens me up to a whole new way to examine children’s media.

Julian Axelrod: There may come a day where CupcakKe’s routine gets old. There may come a day when she runs out of anatomy-based punchlines, or blows through her endless arsenal of cartoon fire hydrant beats, or gets cancelled for tweeting about wanting to fuck Henry Kissinger or something. But “Squidward Nose” is a loopy banger with a rapid-fire torrent of sex puns about Rick Ross, Serena Williams, and Dora the Explorer. So today is not that day.

Tim de Reuse: For this to have had the most distant chance of working, she would’ve needed to come up with at least, like, two or three more words that rhyme with “nose.”

Katherine St Asaph: For all the pornographic raunch of CupcaKke’s past singles, beneath the ones I’ve heard was always this crucial inclusivity. This time, well, I lack the pertinent equipment and even I feel vicariously like shit at the taunting, neverendingly repeated hook of “his dick’s smaller than my toes.” Did the last CupcakKe video we reviewed not feature one way to get around that? Is the audience for this song humiliation fetishists? At what point has Squidward’s nose not been flaccid? (Besides when he’s blowing bubbles, which I guess works? How many future offers of employment am I losing by writing this?) Extra point off for the R. Kelly joke now, of all times.

Iris Xie: The trepidation of listening to that bhangra beat, and then witnessing CupcakKe launching into the riotous hook made me laugh for 5 minutes in relief and horror. This effect is amplified by how CupcakKe made a completely expert move of having a single bar of silence after the chorus, as to allow you to process the deep implications of what she just stated about “Squidward Nose.” I am sad it’s not the same exact sitar sample as Namie Amuro’s deadpan pussypopping anthem “Want Me Want Me,” but that’s okay, they’re both in the spirit of using bhangra-lite samples for extremely explicit reasons. There are many components to like here: I do appreciate how she leans away from making more Spongebob references, as to avoid diluting the initial humor, and digs in deeper for her extensive references, such as “I’m a Gemini so that’s really a threesome.” And CupcakKe stays true to her emphasis on not turning away from vivid sound effects, like, guh, that slurping sound is so gross!! But curiously, rather than building on that killer intro and syncopation between the horns, the sitar sample, and the wordplay and flow of her verses, the track loses momentum and peters out towards the end with re-iterating the chorus. This seems really uncharacteristic of the level of intensity and charisma CupcakKe usually brings to her songs, so I wish she went harder, but overall, I’m just glad such a song exists in such a silly and infuriating world.

Thomas Inskeep: There’s a way to make sex rap sexy — cf. Cardi B’s new single — and then there’s the way to make it gross and stupid. Starting but by no means ending with a SpongeBob Squarepants reference, this firmly falls in the latter category. CupcakKe’s philosophy seems to be to say as much vulgar shit as possible (there’s a reference to “snot,” I’m not kidding), for no apparent reason other than that she can. That didn’t work for Eminem or Luke (artistically, at least), and it doesn’t work for her, either.

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I started to enjoy CupcakKe’s music a lot more once I realized there’s not really a joke — she’s not a comedy rapper, just a rapper who’s really good at saying ridiculous things with conviction and poise. “Squidward Nose” works because of this nuance — she is absolutely committed to talking about how this guy’s dick is very, very small, and there is nothing I can do to stop that.

Will Rivitz: The verses contain some of CupcakKe’s best one-liners; it’s just a shame that the second verse — unprintable here as this blurb has my name attached to it and I do not want future employers finding me through searching for suspect terms online but absolutely hilarious nonetheless — is attached to a chorus whose flatness in pitch is matched accurately by its flatness in energy.

Joshua Minsoo Kim: CupcakKe always ends up with cheap beats, but she’s often able to make the most of them, even making them part and parcel of her brash appeal. The hook here is intentionally obnoxious, making its “neener neener”-like chant all the more biting, but it also sounds tedious alongside the dull, synthesized horn. At this point, the shock and delight of hearing CupcakKe’s sexual wordplay and imagery is overridden by how familiar her flows have sounded across her many mixtapes. Even then, I was an Asian dude who grew up in all-White schools: I’ve heard far more creative words used to describe someone having a small dick, trust me.

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2 Responses to “CupcakKe – Squidward Nose”

  1. God bless whoever selected the gif for this one, I just did a spit take.

  2. it does, uh, illustrate my point

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