Tuesday, March 12th, 2019

Jonas Brothers – Sucker

I just wanna go back, back to the year 3000…


Alex Clifton: Oh, hell, I love this. I thought I was too cool for the Jonas Brothers back in the day because I was trying so desperately to avoid Being Like Other Girls and being a teenager; I was deeply fascinated by them but acutely aware that if I admitted to myself that I liked the JoBros I’d be setting myself up for mockery (because that’s what happens to teenage girls). And to be fair a lot of their Disney music was a bit tame and high-pitched for me. Then came “Pom Poms” and the inevitable hiatus; at the one point I was fully prepared to love the JoBros, they were cruelly snatched away from me. I’m glad they’ve rejoined to make music together as adults because this takes the best catchy bits from Joe’s time with DNCE and uses it to tame Nick’s sexual appeal, and Kevin does whatever Kevin does, which I guess is staying quiet while playing a good bassline. Now that I’m older, I can finally admit what I was too afraid to say as a teenager: I’ll always be a sucker for pop music, and this is a winner.

Joshua Copperman: Apparently when you get Louis Bell, Frank Dukes, and Ryan Tedder (who I’ll defend) in a room, it all cancels out and you wind up with lower-tier Ricky Reed.

Joshua Minsoo Kim: What’s up with the pre-chorus acting like it’s going to build into something more bombastic but the chorus ending up as low-energy? A limited dynamic range can only be a final blow to a song so bloodless.

Andy Hutchins: Cool first single by new and original band Jonas. The Brothers! If only the bass line were as far past puberty as the band.

Iris Xie: So, who thought it was a good idea to melt down the instrumentals and verses of Portugal. The Man’s “Feel It Still” and rip out the infernal skeleton of DNCE’s “Cake By the Ocean” to construct this song? Additionally, “Sucker” now completes my third addition to the list of boy band songs that use clapping in extremely obnoxious ways; the other two are One Direction’s “Drag Me Down” and EXO’s “Overdose.” It’s a shame because I do like the line “I’m a sucker for all the subliminal things,” together with the “about you” repetitions, but this entire song is phoned in and sounds (is?) plagiarized.

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: A decade in review for pop-rock tropes — there’s the whistling, the lite-disco, the guitar parts that sound so compressed that they might as well be MIDI, the misuse of big words (subliminal?). It’s a thoroughly unlovable song if divorced from its pop-cultural context, the kind of featureless material I assumed they shipped straight to Target overhead speakers.

Alfred Soto: Nick Jonas may be the Cute Jonas, but he’s also the Boring Jonas — he opens his mouth and what emerges is so far from fetching that turning on the toaster oven produced a more pleasant sound. The rest of “Sucker” has the moderately interesting crunch with which they charmed a generation.

Claire Biddles: What a world we live in that “Jonas Brothers are subs for their wives” is the premise for a song and not an obscure tag on ao3.

Tobi Tella: I’m not sure what I expected a Jonas Brothers single to sound like in 2019, but this pretty much fits the mold. I should hate this for being a shameless nostalgia grab attempt, but I was in the prime target age for this and I can’t lie and say I’m not eating it up. More people need to be releasing late-2000s Disney Channel songs, I’m just saying!

Reader average: [8.5] (2 votes)

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3 Responses to “Jonas Brothers – Sucker”

  1. I love your blurb Alex and all of that love for it, and yeah what’s up with the sexism and misogyny against teenage girls loving things anyway? It’s so oppressive and ridiculous

  2. ahhh thanks Iris!! and RIGHT like if I could go back in time and tell my fifteen-year-old self “it’s okay if you like Selena Gomez and the Jonas Brothers and Jason Mraz, it doesn’t mean that you’re a baby, it just means YOU ARE A YOUNG TEENAGER you don’t have to use this time trying to like Modest Mouse to be ~cool~” then I definitely would. and I would have deleted all the Modest Mouse from my iTunes library then and there

  3. I really liked this song and I think the dynamics and claps are really good!

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