Saturday, April 20th, 2019

Jonas Brothers – Cool



Katie Gill: After the fun, energetic, poppy goodness of “Sucker,” it’s annoying that the Jonas Brothers decided that the perfect thing to follow it up with is a big ol’swing right into a sound that’s a blend of Train, Andy Grammer, and “The Lazy Song.” Though they say that they’re feeling cool, this song decidedly isn’t. From confusing references to a boring sound, there’s not really much ‘cool’ about this.

Julian Axelrod: For a song that lazily paws through the past decade’s cultural driftwood — a halfhearted strum-along from 2012, a video that tries to evoke the 80s but lands closer to “I Love the 80s”, a tepid callback to a Nick Jonas album we’ve already forgotten — how did Post Malone and Game of Thrones sneak in as the only modern references? (I know why, but I’m asking in a more macro sense while shaking my fist at the sky.) Then again, these mind-numbingly basic signifiers of cool are the perfect fit for a song that’s the audio equivalent of a high school reunion. Kevin got off easy. 

Will Adams: In its defense, I am interested in this apparent outgrowth of the post-2016 wave of “everything sucks now” pop that goes for blissfully ignorant, even if it’s delivered by a trio of pretty, straight white boys. But must we besmirch Hoku’s “Perfect Day” like this?

Alfred Soto: While I can’t praise les frères Jonas for projecting personality, at least they have chins. Ryan Tedder curdles their melodies by encouraging the usual inapposite falsettos. 

Tim de Reuse: I haven’t had a minute to relax in a couple of months and this mercifully competent chord progression makes for a chorus that I can wearily nod my head along with. Just wish the Jonases would stop trying to inject so much personality into their vocal performances — god, that obnoxious descending “Cool-cool-cool-cool-cool” outstays its welcome by the second recurrence.

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I just feel bad for the third Jonas at this point if he can’t even get a verse off his deeply mediocre, sub-Bieber siblings.

Claire Biddles: This almost makes me embarrassed that I gave “Sucker” a [9]…. almost.

Reader average: [3.75] (4 votes)

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One Response to “Jonas Brothers – Cool”

  1. Sucker is very good. Cool is very bad.

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