Tuesday, July 16th, 2019

Kasher Quon ft. Teejayx6 – Dynamic Duo

By our own popular demand!


Ian Mathers: I cannot wait for the blurb here that’s going to explain to me why this whole thing just feels off to me, because god knows I don’t have the background knowledge or vocabulary for it. In the meantime it mostly just reminds me of After Last Season. I love After Last Season.

Andy Hutchins: Indebted to the long-running tradition of paranoiac rap and strides made more recently by fellow Michigander Tee Grizzley’s relentless flows spilling over at bar’s end, Kasher Quon and Teejayx6 embark on an instantly legendary cataloging of what being young, dumb, and so full of ways to hustle and scam sounds like in 2019. Dish detergent as a lean ingredient? Sure. Scamming your own nephew(s) with fake Js and/or fraudulent iPhone purchases? Sure. The endgame here is admirably low-budget, too: Flying Spirit is not even close to enviable. “I just went to Walmart, and I tore that bitch down” is a legitimate aspirational flex, and you get the sense that this is an improbable inversion of the age-old rapping just to get a rep, with the penny-ante schemes being touted by kids unafraid of being called small-timers or unaware of why that would even be a problem. And if “Dynamic Duo” were about a minute shorter, it would not tick past the point of an electrifying thrill ride into what chemistry on a rap song can be and into an exercise sure to exhaust the listener. Something tells me Kasher and Teejay will keep going, though.

Maxwell Cavaseno: For arguably the last two or three years (at minimum), it’s been a poorly kept secret that Detroit has become the best city of the rap game. Atlanta? Self-rewriting hogwash sounding just as generic as NYC did in the mid ’00s. Los Angeles? Still depending on rappers who’ve taken over nine years to gain any sort of traction outside of its own city walls and would rather keep going back to the well from tired old icons. Chicago? Their best rapper MOVED OUT, and now they’re best represented by a sanctimonious theater kid working out his ABDL-related complex in public. Sickening! No, Detroit has been THE place to be, thanks to a frantic paced scene built on Scamming, Sniping, and Sleaziness. Plenty of my peers, in response to “Dynamic Duo,” have been confounded and astonished at how seemingly extreme and hysterical the record sounds, but once you’ve heard the likes of Pablo Skywalkin or Rocaine, that this city has produced, you get it. The maniacal offbeat flows, the stressed out hyperactive minor key piano licks over the Mannie Fresh-indebted throwback drums, the vivid detail as these men describe going on The Dark Net and buying your (YES YOURS READER!) social security numbers to make Venmo into a frenzied honeypot. Believe me when I tell you that Kasher Quon and Teejayx6 are some of the youngest to do it, but they’re astonishingly normal for this scene. If this is the record that puts The Motor City back on the map, then I’m all the happier! But approach with caution!

Alex Clifton: I want to make it absolutely clear that this is one of the worst things I have ever heard. I also listened to it four times in a row. It’s not just bad but unforgivably bad, inept and cringey and something that could only exist in the era of YouTube. I don’t mind small-time guys trying to make a song and sounding endearingly bad; usually in those cases, though, you have an idea of the song, a notion of what the artist wanted it to be. There is, however, no redeeming musical quality to this track. I can’t even call it a song because that implies structure and melody and some sort of forethought as opposed to whatever the hell this is. The best part of this contraption is the beat, which is the repetitive Phoenix Wright soundtrack from hell mixed with a bad trap drum. Honestly it wouldn’t be so bad if it had literally any variation other than randomly going up or down. And then the rap starts. I can’t. I literally can’t. I could rap better than these dudes, and I am the kind of person who karaokes Taylor goddamn Swift whenever I can. And yet this performance is hypnotic? Every time I listen to this I am struck anew by its utter badness. This isn’t Maroon 5 phoning-it-in bad, nor Lukas Graham full-of-shit pomposity bad; it’s just a literal trainwreck of words thrown about with no care as to order or sense. Throw in some absolute what-the-fuck lines (“stingy with my sauce like Mr. Krabs” is my current favourite) and this thing throws me for a loop each time I hear it. I hate this bloody thing and it won’t leave my brain. It is worth mentioning that the video is a solid [10].

David Sheffieck: This is a vertiginous experience, mashing together a beat like a mid-’80s car chase with the high wire act of Kasher Quon and Teejayx6 swapping and overlapping lines at a headlong, near-breathless pace. It’s technically dazzling and (more importantly) fun: a thrill-ride built from quotable lines, wild boasts, and a sense that nothing’s impossible. Maybe the best song I’ve heard all year — and without question the most exciting.

Crystal Leww: There’s a moment in Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse where Miles Morales scores a 0 on a test and his teacher gives him a 100 instead, because “You have to know all the answers to get all of them wrong; you’re trying to fail out.” That pretty much sums up how I feel about “Dynamic Duo.” I would never play this in a club or a car and would never hope that anyone ever plays it on the radio where others would be trapped into listening to this. There is so much chaotic, bad energy stuffed into this seemingly never-ending track of rap verses. Both Kasher Quon and Teejayx6 are somehow off beat for every single beat, which sounds so cheaply made on knockoff Garage Band. Everyone involved knew every single thing they were supposed to do in rap music and decided to do exactly the opposite. That’s beautiful to me — that’s high art. 

Will Adams: Admittedly, this is the first time in a while that a song has evoked the feeling of “I’m losing my fucking mind,” so I can’t not give points for that.

Joshua Copperman: I am 100% not the target audience. But nothing exists and has ever existed in a vacuum. This was going to find its way to me eventually, even though it was not made for me, a writer-type person who can’t be called a critic because to people of a certain age the word brings to mind not not Christgau, not Zoladz, not even Fantano, but, like, Doug Walker. Then it brings up Lizzo. Yet I know the feeling of something being so deeply your thing that you become irrepressibly On Brand. This sound collage of absurd punchlines is baffling to me — this is what most people probably hear when they say they hate SoundCloud rap. And then you have the writers that would view it as punk, flying in the face of everyone trying to analyze it. But that wasn’t the intention. It was a duo fooling around and going music-Twitter viral, maybe for the wrong reasons. It’s easy to imagine someone liking it in spite of other music, not because they genuinely enjoy it. But watching my Twitter feed briefly explode with excitement was a beautiful moment. “Dynamic Duo” doesn’t transcend its trappings — the punchlines are given no room to breathe, and the beat is too busy. But it works enough that the irony-drenched recesses of music twitter paused for only a moment. That’s plenty.

Ryo Miyauchi: Leave it to Detroit rappers to continue and celebrate an exercise in rap practiced in the earliest wave of the genre. “Dynamic Duo” gets off the rails pretty quick with Kasher Quon foregoing some attempt at narrative of him and Teejayx6 getting ambushed, and it instead becomes a competition of who can one-up the other in humor, raunchiness and violence. A thrilling, off-the-cuff freestyle feel flows throughout: bits like handling mom’s bills on Comcast.com and entering Wal-Mart with a frown can only come from a wild stream of consciousness, rushing to grab any word and rhyme that comes first. It’s been a while to witness not only this intense of baton passing between two rappers but also for one to inspire a better bar out of another with each succession.

Alfred Soto: The tinny beat is the point, the off-the-beat rapping perhaps. Intentions are for lawyers, not critics. To enjoy “Dynamic Duo” is to relish the can-you-top-this? vulgarity of who did what to which women. Quon and Teejayx6 could go on for sixteen more verses, by which point every other kid on the playground would’ve returned to class and called the disciplinarian. When they don’t flex their imagination for the sake of cruelty, it works, which is about half the time.

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Trapped on the precipice between never wanting to hear this again and wanting an extended cut and I think the latter is winning. Please send help.

Reader average: [8.62] (8 votes)

Vote: 0   1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10

2 Responses to “Kasher Quon ft. Teejayx6 – Dynamic Duo”

  1. damn it just realized that the thing this reminded me of was definitely “I Think You Should Leave”

  2. def laughed out loud reading alex’s 0 and david’s 10 next to each other

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