Monday, April 18th, 2011

Snoop Dogg – Wet

The David Guetta remix is probably getting more play, but, well, fuck him…


Anthony Easton: Do you think that he wrote these lyrics while coaching his kids soccer game, or pitching another VH1 show, or fucking the woman he has been married to for more than a decade?

Katherine St Asaph: The latest in region-specific Snoop Dogg news: recently in Chapel Hill, there was a shitstorm-in-a-teacup over Snoop Dogg winning some EA advertisement/contest to perform at UNC, then Snoop being shut out after UNC people who weren’t told freaked out about sex and pot, then Snoop maybe getting to perform at UNC after all, then his finally being shunted to Raleigh because Chapel Hill doesn’t have the right venues. Songs like this make you wonder why anyone gave a shit.

Chuck Eddy: Potentially (though not necessarily) interesting spare music (from the Cataracs, I guess? heard their name dropped once, but I’m in no mood to check), made useless by some of the most stomach-turningly clinical porn babble ever. Not that I’m opposed to any songwriting mention of bodily moisture of course (Olivia Newton-John’s “He ran by me, got my suit damp” from “Summer Nights” being one of the sexiest lines in human history), but Snoop’s feels entirely devoid of recognizable human interaction. Reminds me of those dead-in-the-water whisper-fuck songs that basically made me stop caring about rappers-who-I-liked-a-lot Ying Yang Twins and David Banner a few years ago. Except I never cared all that much about Snoop in the first place, to be honest. He’s had a great moment or two, now and then, but mostly I’m convinced people cut his usual mediocrity slack because of his naughty-boy celebrity (kinda like, say, Motley Crue — their old best-of CD is all I’ll ever need, too). And here he’s just, well, a drip: Cheech & Chong’s “drip, drip, drip of gonorrhea,” to be precise. That he addresses his soggy sentiments to “Mommy” (“Mami,” whatever, sounds the same to me) makes them even more gross.

Zach Lyon: Apparently The Cataracs are capable of greatness when they aren’t producing for Dev/rapping? Also, GROSS.

Michaelangelo Matos: “Head coach,” geddit? I mean, I realize we should be beyond hoping for charm from a porn impresario, however minor. So it’s up to the silicone-enhanced production FX to make this record live up to its hook line, and what do you know? Snoop notches up yet another crass crossover maneuver that comes out as something more inspired than that.

Martin Skidmore: I’m all for something this obscene being made for the royal wedding, but it’s not great. Snoop’s always been a total dick, so the tedious wet pussy stuff doesn’t much bother me, but I always really liked his voice, so the hefty autotuning is a big loss, I think. The minimal Cataracs production bores me, and it needed Snoop’s drawl to give this some personality.

Alfred Soto: I hope Prince William appreciated the gesture. I suspect he wanted something you can dance to, not a string of lubricious verses. He certainly didn’t invite David Guetta to the bachelor party either.

Jer Fairall: No chance he’s ever gonna stop viewing and addressing women in purely porny terms, but at least he comes off here as being slightly more concerned with her pleasure than his own. Progress?

4 Responses to “Snoop Dogg – Wet”

  1. This surprises me! This is so likable and I guess I just find Snoop’s grossness to be harmless and sort of kitschy in a sad way. The fact that this was written for Prince William’s bachelor party is just a whole new level of bizarre.

  2. shucks, Katherine, didn’t even realize you were in my neck of the woods. now I see you’re moving to NYC. boo.

  3. Huh, I used to live in Durham.

  4. I’ve just watched the vid to the Guetta version on telly and it appears Guetta has decided to lift the entire synth from Felix’s “Don’t You Want Me”, making this track about 100% more enjoyable.