Monday, June 20th, 2011

Jennifer Lopez ft. Lil Wayne – I’m Into You

Age-inappropriate song is age-inappropriate.


Sally O’Rourke: Strange how Lopez, once so intent on reminding listeners who she was, is now content to sound so anonymous.

Alfred Soto: I expect Wayne to howl from the holding pen in which he’s been confined for five years, but for J. Lo not to acquire a smidgen of charisma or gravitas — never mind commercial sense — re-enforces the argument that she was always a tan, fetchingly legged blank. You’re past forty and still hanging with creeps like Wayne and using phrases like “I’m Into You”?

Jonathan Bogart: In most circumstances swapping out Pitbull for Lil Wayne would be a tradeup, but J. Lo neglected to read the fine print and got stuck with this damp squib of a like song (it doesn’t have the energy to be a love song) in place of the Lambada-fueled monster that was “On the Floor.”

Doug Robertson: I’ve never quite understood the continuing career of Jennifer Lopez. She’s one of those artists who seems to be unthinkingly hailed as an all-conquering superstar, even though her entire back catalogue struggles to be anything more than vaguely alright if you like that sorta thing. She’s the musical equivalent of a Wetherspoons pub: hard to avoid, not entirely unpleasant, but never your first choice. Her previous single, while being a complete mess in the best possible sense of the word, did at least have a sense of adventure about it, but this seems reluctant to get out of the shallow end. It’s a grey canvas of a song, and at least a blank canvas has an air of possibilities hanging over it.

Jer Fairall: Dubious credit granted for the truly puzzling “sharp shooter you can call me the zion” (though I doubt even she knows WTF she’s talking about there); for somehow reducing Wayne to aural wallpaper (though the existence of “How To Love” has rendered that far less shocking than it might have been); and for the jarring percussion break late in the song (though that only excites on account of the temporary pulse it lends this otherwise dullard of a track.)

Edward Okulicz: I’m not going to hold it against J. Lo that she’s always been some label honcho’s idea of an irresistible force, but prior to this song, you at least got the idea she wanted it. Cutting edge production? Not here, I’m sure I heard these beats over an Armenian Eurovision entry a few years ago. And here, she stumbles over lines both tame and terrible with nothing approaching charisma or hunger.

Mallory O’Donnell: Seriously, “love controller?” Anyone who thinks this idiot is even remotely relevant at this stage in the game, please raise your hands. That’s what I thought.

Josh Langhoff: “Got me hooked with your love controller” seems to stake out new territory in the realm of terrible J. Lo lyrics. I’m not sure if she’s singing about a fishhook, a joystick, a dick, or some hideous combination thereof. Meanwhile, in the realm of terrible lyrics about making women wet, we’ve got Lil Wayne. Who decided wetness would be this year’s big rap trope? But that’s way better than J. Lo’s previous infomercial barking (“What I need from you is not available in stores”), paranoid finger-wagging (“First of all I won’t take you cheating on me”), and the insufferable acceptance speech that constitutes “Jenny From the Block” (“Love my life and my public / Put God first and can’t forget to stay real”, arrrgggghhh). Her voice sounds warm and relaxed, too, so this may be my favorite J. Lo single. Weird.

Katherine St Asaph: I don’t know which is more surprising: that somebody managed to find a minor scale that still sounds dangerous in 2011, that the somebody was J.Lo, or that the somebody in fact was Taio fucking Cruz. Sometimes it’s worth it to try really hard!

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