The Singles Jukebox

We think Ciara needs more work. Not necessarily this, though.

[Video][Website]
[5.27]

Anthony Easton: Love the pinched buzzing and the creamy smoothness, shouldn’t work together, but it’s unpleasant enough to be interesting.
[7]

Chuck Eddy: Sort of summery, I guess. But trust me, if you say “ditto,” I will not “hit you back.” I also don’t understand why somebody shouts out to the German art-rock band Notwist at the beginning. But I have to hand it to the high-voiced guy who brags about how his girlfriend buys him rubbers — as ways out of having to make a highly embarrassing drugstore purchase go, it probably beats piling up your shopping cart with other items you don’t need.
[4]

Hazel Robinson: The trendy product placement at the start of the video for this made me think for a moment they were marketing Strongbow. As it is, how many people involved in this record are actual children? Ciara looks like she’s corralling the playgroup. Distractingly awkward, otherwise as anodynely sexless/harmless as you’d expect.
[5]

Zach Lyon: I remember hearing the original a while ago, and it wasn’t very good. But this is good! The new, sort of twerky synth-Middle-East production is magnificent. The original beat was by-the-numbers bubblegum while this has that ton of freshness required to make bubblegum work (bubblegum = youth = FRESH). And I’m an unequivocal fan of everyone’s performances here, none of which are worthwhile in a vacuum but shine in the spirit of the song: I have a weird desire to see Tyga succeed despite few returns (this is perhaps entirely owed to my love of “Cricketz“); Lil Twist’s croaky voice is perfect for this, where he comes off sounding like a big cartoon; Ciara’s emcee serves as the self-aware, babysitter-ish flirtation for the boys, like Drew Barrymore in the Bar Mitzvah scene in The Wedding Singer. And Mindless Behavior, with a name that could only have been brainstormed by the mind of a record agency, are the reason they’re all there. With the lack of any new Kingstons or Biebers, it’s just about the only real neighborhood poolside music we’ve gotten this year.
[8]

Ian Mathers: There’s this overwhelmingly bright synth part that comes in whenever they sing the chorus, and I just want to steal it and put it in the middle of a good song. One that doesn’t repeat the line “we just two lovebirds, that’s why we always Tweetin’.”
[4]

Alex Ostroff: After much contemplation, I’ve come to the conclusion that Ciara is magic. There’s no other explanation for her ability to turn any track into a summer jam. And I mean ANY track. Ciara’s half of the remixed chorus proves that she’s better at capturing the effervescent vibe of summer puppy love than an entire boy band who are young enough to actually experience it. It’s still not the best phone-related song Ciara song, but it has effortless charm that’s well-suited to the July heat.
[7]

Michaela Drapes: This updated version of “Candy Girl” sucks all the fun out of things with the Twitter references, etc. — but honestly, I really can’t get past Ciara’s cameo to be anything but totally grossed out. She’s, like, a little old for them, right?
[4]

Jonathan Bradley: On Bieber’s “Baby,” Luda sounded like a fond uncle; here Ciara sounds like a babysitter. And, given her meagre presence, a poorly attentive one at that. Her charges don’t have the Biebs’s charm, either, though their hook is better than anything he ever laid claim to. I wish it belonged to a better song. The boy band comeback hasn’t begun yet.
[3]

Jer Fairall: Maybe not quite a less-than symbol number three, but elicits a definite colon-hyphen-end-parenthesis from me.  
[7]

Al Shipley: Didn’t expect to enjoy listening to Ciara babysit half a dozen incoherent little moppets, but that bright melodious beat makes it so much more tolerable than it should be.
[5]

Alfred Soto: The original’s generic but cute, this one merely generic except for the presence of a certain beleaguered R&B songstress who can communicate joy through clenched teeth buried ten feet in the ground.
[4]