The Singles Jukebox

Pop, to two decimal places.

Gutarra – Dicksuckin

We didn’t think it was physically possible, but this song both sucks and blows…


[Video][Website]
[3.00]

Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: Oh, fuck this. Did we not learn anything from Morningwood? *slam dunks song into a pit of fire*
[0]

Alfred Soto: A karaoke singer who got lucky rehearsing “Hit Me With Your Best Shot,” she wishes we were like her: easily amused.
[4]

Patrick St. Michel: Consumer alert: Stick with “Smell Yo Dick,” this new model isn’t nearly as good or entertaining.
[1]

Brad Shoup: One of these days I’ll brave the Creepy Web in search of scholarlish articles about user-side porn compilations. Gutarra has that Gillette-from-20-Fingers vocal attack, and she’s added fuzzed-out hair metal guitar, gluing sawteeth to the “Push It” riff. Sadly, the song is over before it ends, but I’ll leave that for some poor DJ to discover.
[7]

Anthony Easton: Aggro in a way that positions itself against the ambiguous nature of Drake’s pussy-hounding, which has a certain political élan. 
[6]

Juana Giaimo: We are lucky that this song isn’t even catchy because it would be incredibly awkward to sing it while walking through the streets.
[1]

Mallory O’Donnell: Thankfully, this one actually will suck itself.
[2]

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