Thursday, July 14th, 2011

Nicole Scherzinger ft. 50 Cent – Right There



Iain Mew: Ok, so the fact that I can’t make it through this song without pondering what Lewis Hamilton feels about it isn’t really a fair criticism. The fact that I also can’t make it through without thinking of Crazy Town, on the other hand…

Ian Mathers: Oh Fiddy, being horny all the time doesn’t make you “complicated.” Luckily, he’s easy to tune out for the brief period where the track isn’t just about Nicole repeating the chorus (does it seem to anyone else like she’s channeling “come my lady, come come my lady” bit from Crazy Town’s “Butterfly” for part of it?), which makes “Right There” yet more proof that the pop single equivalent of the Hollywood Blockbuster (this would be one of the ones with Tom Cruise, not an actor that’s actually popular right now) is increasingly about sound over sense; I’m not about to claim that pop ten, twenty, or fifty years ago was about lovingly wrought short stories, but choruses these days seem to be turning into outright gibberish. The effect can be hilarious or effervescent, but here it’s just blah. And I never liked Crazy Town.

Al Shipley: After Jeremih gave him his first major radio hit in four years, 50 Cent has ostensibly attempted to resurrect his career with the same kind of random, indiscriminate run of R&B collaborations he once criticized Lil Wayne for. His rhymes here are like a word jumble of the exact same phrases he’s used in every other “sexy song” he’s recorded since 2003, but Nicole’s Nelly Furtado impression would almost make for a decent song without them.

Katherine St Asaph: The general disdain for Nicole Scherzinger is among the most baffling things about pop audiences. She sings, she emotes, so why? Is it because she was a Pussycat Doll? That’s awful presumptuous. Is it because she clearly wants to succeed? Who doesn’t — would you prefer Nicole be OK toiling away at a laptop for five relatives? Not even real! musicians! think that. Besides, the mumbling and fumbling of “Right There” leaves so little impression that it’s dismissal wasted.

Andy Hutchins: If only there was no need for a Nicole Scherzinger vocal on this track, so that it could be passed to… well, someone else. Drums that belong nowhere near a supplicant’s tribute to her man’s sexual prowess and guitar that should be racing towards something other than Scherzinger’s fairly offensive pidgin “The boy is fine” delivery  — bonus points for using her butterscotch complexion to traipse about in a few ethnically iffy outfits in the video! — in the verses are largely wasted here. The hook is appropriately big, but isn’t milked like it should be, especially considering the abrasive stuff it has to surround. Oh, and 50 is stealing themes and words from Drake, for crissake. “I’m complex, difficult to understand / I don’t know if it’s me or just the makeup of a man” is about the worst possible way to begin something this basic. I’m awarding one point for every ten times I listened to it one afternoon while alone in my apartment, hoping I would unlock the secret instrumental version.

Hazel Robinson: I really have no idea what the point of 50 Cent being here is. However, if we discount his typically intellectual contribution and disconnect enough to let the deeply dubious ‘me like’-s of the first verse go then god, I love this. Every time I catch myself humming it I’m faintly gripped with guilt that there’s about a third of it I’d happily remove, but from the synth takeoff into the chorus, to the rhythm of the verses when the lyrics aren’t being fucked around with, it’s so blissfully summery and that punky little chug of bass is like an attraction pheromone for me.

Alfred Soto: What the hell is this cipher trying for here — an imitation of cipher Rihanna? The redundant Auto-Tune isn’t the most offensive thing on a track in which the starlet shoves her bad grammar in our faces with the line “Me like the way that you hold my body” and one 50 Cent raps, “I’ll exploit your body completely” as if Scherzinger were worth the pillaging.

Jer Fairall: C’mon Nicole!  “Dirty” rhymes so easily, not to mention so conveniently, with “flirty.” At least give us the illusion that you’re trying.   

Michaela Drapes: Nicole Scherzinger, the Sisyphus of modern divadom, fails miserably at pushing this blandly generic song (by which I mean sounds like it was written at Rihanna’s hit boot camp) up a rather steep hill. You’d think Fiddy could, like, at least try and help her, but he’s barely in the frame, a total afterthought. The too-sleek production’s no help either, in one ear and out the other.

Michelle Myers: I like Pussycat Dolls and 50 Cent, but Scherzinger’s foolish decision to sing in a faux-Caribbean accent and begin most of her verse lines with “me like” totally ruins any chances this had at being a good song.

Anthony Easton: If this does well on the charts, I want names and addresses for people to blame or to place in the Maoist reeducation camps.

11 Responses to “Nicole Scherzinger ft. 50 Cent – Right There”

  1. I’d rather listen to “Butterfly” by Crazy Town 1000 times than sit through this mess again.

  2. I wouldn’t.

  3. One of those tracks which makes me embarrassed for everyone involved.

  4. Pretty much, yeah.

  5. Do no one else hear more than a little bit of “What’s My Name” in this?

  6. Alfred and Michaela: Yeah, and in pretty much exactly the same way as I’m embarrassed for, say, John Travolta.

  7. Sounding like “What’s My Name” gives even more creedence to my “Rihanna castoff” theory.

  8. I can’t understand the Rihanna comparisons. I mean, Nicole Scherzinger is wayyyyyyyyy better, she can sing, dance and she can write. I feel offended when they say Nicole is copying here, pleaseee.

  9. This is one of the best songs of 2011! Stop hating, she’s amazing! <3

  10. Drew: That’s where 50’s taking Drake’s words from, so yes.

  11. Re-reading those, I don’t know how I missed that. I listened to it expecting to hear Lil Wayne or Crazy Town and got “Hey boy I really wanna see if you can put it right there on a girl like me.”