But we’re feeling moderately okay with some Eurodance!

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Anthony Easton: Such pure Francophone cheese, it makes me forgot how much I hate Montreal in the middle of election season, even if she is from New Brunswick-cum-Ottawa. It’s also good to know that Ottawa sleaze doesn’t need to be bureaucratic. 
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Alfred Soto: The electronic gypsy hook — violin filtered through Nicki French sequencers — is the year’s most striking, and I especially love how Martina sounds like she says “abattoir” at one point.
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Megan Harrington: This is, in every way, a jersey dress sold at Forever 21. With sequins, but not in an allover pattern. I was set to send a get well soon card to Canada, but after nine or so more listens I realized “Danse” was subverting my every expectation. The opening French refrain (“I want to dance with you again”) repeats a full bar later than I’m conditioned to hear it, there’s a little synthesized accordion bit that is completely at odds with the otherwise strictly by the book EDM, and Mia Martina is (and I say this appreciatively) a Kesha level singer. This dress is so you and it’s only $12.95. 
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Brad Shoup: Mia’s still a wisp, even when the track is a bit more insistent. Dev’s caught what she has; I recall her saying “husby” and “Rio Grande,” and that’s it. This is probably more of a historical curiosity: future musicologists may mark this as the moment the saxophone-hook tank was finally drained.
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Edward Okulicz: I’ve never been one for accordion-tinged Europop (even when it’s not European), which has irked me ever since the days of In-Grid, but it turns out that a bit of cheek/chic kitsch and it can be pretty catchy. It helps that it leans on other tricks — the piano, the trancey breakdown before the chorus, the adorable insertion of French.
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Katherine St Asaph: Technically dated — “Mr. Saxobeat” via “Where Have You Been” via “Lady Marmalade” and related Francesploitation — but there’s so much, too much going on: Dev’s crinkly-conversational voice a foil to crinkly-processed Martina, synth accordion and synth sax stabs and synth piano, about four styles of vocal adlibs. It’s charming in the way dutiful radio hits often are.
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Scott Mildenhall: This is curious: a Canadian singer seemingly so enamoured with Romanian dance-pop after covering “Stereo Love” that she enlisted two top Romanian producers for a couple of tracks on her album returns, sans any Romanian input but with the sound, or an approximation of it, intact. Dev’s already done similar, and better; Romania itself has tons of times, rarely as limp as this.
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David Lee: An obvious mashup of “Calabria 2007” and “Danza Kuduro.” It’s the kind of music that I would enjoy if it were pouring out of a pizza place with its door propped open at 2am, serving as my temporary life soundtrack while I wait outside, in the heavy July air, for my friends to hail a cab. Disposable mood music that lingers until the queasy throb of tomorrow morning takes its place.
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