Thursday, September 8th, 2011

Jessie J – Domino

Rubbish pop star is not amused.


Brad Shoup: “I’m feeling sexy and free/Like glitter’s raining on me/You’re like a shot of pure gold/I think I’m ’bout to explode/I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air/Now I’m breathing like I’m running cause you’re taking me there/Don’t you know…you spin me out of control/Ooh ooh ooh/We can do this all night/Turn this club, skin tight/Baby come on/Pull me like a bass drum/Sparkin’ up a rhythm/Baby, come on!/Ooh ooh ooh ooh/Rock my world into the sunlight/Make this dream the best I’ve ever known/Dirty dancing in the moonlight/Take me down like I’m a domino/Every second is a highlight/When we touch don’t ever let me go/Dirty dancing in the moonlight/Take me down like I’m a domino/You got me losing my mind/My heart beats out of time/I’m seeing Hollywood stars/You stroke me like a guitar…”

Iain Mew: We didn’t do “Nobody’s Perfect” so let me take this chance to say that I would have given that a [0] as well as “Price Tag”. This new one is totally vacuous, has a tune largely ripped off from “California Gurls” and seems to have actually been designed to show off how horrible her voice can be. However, nothing about it is morally reprehensible, so it’s a slight improvement.

Anthony Easton: I like the concept of Jessie J, but never the practice. 

Al Shipley: Attempts to make Jessie happen in America have been so unpleasant and hamhanded that it’s a wonder she happened in her own country. Whatever light summery charms this tune has are so stifled by the way she clamps down joylessly on every note that I daresay even Katy could’ve done this more justice.

Alfred Soto: Boasting a less onerous squawk than Katy Perry’s, Jessie J is of course getting a promotional push. But while I encourage women to enjoy as much sex as it’s in their power to accept, the ease with which Jessie and Perry submit to use and being used repulses me. Her voice projects nothing — not lust, power, or pleasure. It’s not even besotted with its professionalism.

Doug Robertson: We already have one Katy Perry. We don’t really need a spare.

Alex Ostroff: It turns out that when Jessie J ditches the vocal tics, forced quirkiness and put-on reggae accents, she sounds like a slightly less abrasive Katy Perry. Go figure. Unfortunately, this just means that she gets evaluated on the Perry scale. By that metric, “Domino” isn’t blatantly offensive (“E.T.”, “I Kissed A Girl”, “Ur So Gay”, Jessie J’s own “Do It Like A Dude”), but neither is it so catchy that it transcends its source (“Hot N Cold”, “Teenage Dream“). It’s a concoction that blends together Dr. Luke’s greatest lyrical hits: glitter, explode (like fireworks!), dreams, Hollywood, with an added pinch of Dirty Dancing for no particular reason. In other words, it’s a mediocre Katy Perry single. They should have just held off for the re-release of Teenage Dream and made it her sixth Billboard Number One.

Edward Okulicz: Hideous rhyming-dictionary, pound-store metaphor bullshit created by throwing darts at a board covered with cultural signifiers. Jessie’s nothing if not consistent though; every dart hits the “Firework” bulls-eye. Of course, to just pick on the lyrics and the voice is insufficient, having noted it’s a Dr Luke production, it should be pointed out that he’s not even trying here — the guitar has not one milligram of glitter, being as it is stilted and not conducive to movement, the beat is too basic to do anything more than tap your foot and the chorus is more likely to make you nod off than nod along.

Katherine St Asaph: Stop trying to make Jessie J happen. She’s not going to happen.

6 Responses to “Jessie J – Domino”

  1. That’s some masterful shit there brad!

  2. Yes, very impressive! I humbly suggest that “domino” is less Van Morrison and more Big Pink (with or without Nicki Minaj), though.

  3. God, yes, of course. You’re right, Sally.

  4. Alex OTM.

  5. This is a great set of blurbs in general.

  6. May I interest y’all in the chipmunk version?