God damn.

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Patrick St. Michel: REASONS “BILLS” MIGHT NOT BECOME A SPRINGTIME HIT: 1. “LunchMoney Lewis” 2. Failure to attach itself to an appropriate commercial/animated feature film trailer 3. A sudden swing in the economic fortunes of a large number of Americans, thus making “Bills’” universal sentiment not nearly as immediate. I guess a war would have to start for this to happen 4. Seriously, dude’s name, can’t he change it to just “Lewis”…oh shit, no he can’t 5. A total reversal by people of what they want in a warm-weather smash 6. Lack of a Drake remix.
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Micha Cavaseno: More doofy novelty comedy music that involves less of a desire to make music and more of a desire to be blandly enjoyable. Awaiting the point that Top 40 Radio becomes a collection of light-fare middle-of-the-mall comedy routines over shit that sounds like TV sitcom theme music.
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Alfred Soto: A mixtape amalgam of a hoedown and “I Love It,” in case you wondered.
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Katherine St Asaph: LunchMoney Lewis has a credible musical history that’s been probably permanently Cee-Lo’d into crowd-pleasing novelty-retro doofiness. And like “Fuck You,” “Bills” has about three months of adoption by the legions of underemployed with a taste for novelty-retro doofiness before everyone suddenly hates it at once. Actually, given 2015’s turbo-speed hype cycle, make that two.
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Edward Okulicz: On the first listen I was sure that this needed to stop two minutes in before the “MY SHOES AIN’T GOT NO SOLE” clunker. On the second listen, it was rather clear that this stopping would be even better at the 30 second mark. The verses of “Bills” just have no humour and no pathos, and the chorus’s wheezy vaudeville is so much forced attempts to tap into a universal feeling falling flat.
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Brad Shoup: Not a single line registers as funny, despite the piano’s po-faced gospel punch, or the horns honking like geese. It’s just Lewis, dancing to keep from… slicing his boss from navel to nostril, I guess.
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Jonathan Bradley: Think of pop’s most unbearable efforts in decontextualized retro perk from the past decade or so: Basement Jaxx’s “Do Your Thing,” Cee Lo’s “Fuck You,” Lloyd’s “Dedication to My Ex,” Bruno Mars’s “The Lazy Song,” Meaghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass.” For good measure, turn your attention to quote-unquote “relatable” post-recession working-class anthems like Travie McCoy’s “Billionaire,” Aloe Blacc’s “I Need a Dollar,” those FreeCreditReport.com commercials. Lunchmoney Lewis has made a surefire hit that is slightly more horrible than any single one of them.
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Will Adams: “Mama got bills, yo’ daddy got bills, yo’ sister got bills, yo’ auntie got bills, yo’ uncle got bills, everybody got bills!” goes the final chorus. Yes, dear listener, it’s true: everybody has bills, which is why “Bills” is such a fantastic, relatable song that speaks to your experience and your whole family’s experience and you will purchase this song on iTunes right this instant and then forget about it entirely eight days later. No refunds!
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