Monday, February 6th, 2012

Alyssa Reid ft. Jump Smokers – Alone Again

I don’t get it. There’s not a single wind machine…


Brad Shoup: Naturally.

Michaela Drapes: I don’t actually have to explain why this one’s a goose egg, right?

Alfred Soto: If eighties Heart deserves a second listen, thank the Wilson sisters’ unwavering commitment. Ripping this commitment from its original context should produce worthwhile results, but this thing flaps like a maimed seagull.

John Seroff: I know this flew Up North, but for crissakes music industry, at least pretend to give a shit.

Alex Ostroff: “‘Alone Again’ was released in November 2010, entering the Canadian Hot 100 at #79 for the week of January 1, 2011 and peaked at #3 the week of April 23, 2011. Alone Again was the top selling, highest charting, and most spun single by a Canadian artist at Canadian radio in 2011. It is now CRIA certified double platinum in Canada.” – Wikipedia. Which is to say, I suffered through this once already. It was a [2] then, but the only way to further mar the legacy of Heart was to make a new version that switches out P. Reign (who ends his verses with “Yuccch!” because apparently he’s the love-rap version of the Clipse) for two dorky white guys. That said, the original version only kept one of P. Reign’s verses, and the new version cuts down on Alyssa to give each dorky white boy a chance on the mic, so maybe this is an improvement? If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the corner, listening to Avril Lavigne (c. 2002) and Fefe Dobson, and mourning the depths to which my country has sunk.

W.B. Swygart: Skylar Grey died for this?

Iain Mew: My first reaction to hearing this awfulness all over the radio was to say that it was like “Airplanes” featuring Christina Perri. On reflection, that does B.o.B a great disservice.

Jer Fairall: Hard to say what the Heart song needed less: a singer who sounds like an anemic Avril Lavigne, or a couple of rap verses shoehorned in a year or so after the fact in someone’s venal aspiration of turning an already bad idea into the even worse one of a low-wattage “Love The Way You Lie” rewrite.

Edward Okulicz: Let’s be honest, once someone boshed up Roxette’s “Listen to Your Heart,” was there any need for a dance version of “Alone” anyway?

Katherine St Asaph: Even considering talking about this Heart failure is boring me senseless, so let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about something I like to call “creeping malaise.” Creeping malaise is the feeling of realizing you want out, out of this place and this company, but doing nothing; of smiling a rictus and making mumbles into murmurs, of saying “interesting” and thinking rot and acid. Then you’re extricated and you’ve made it out to the street to hear some kid blither “how can I get you alone?” like she abdicated all emotions years ago. Alyssa Reid is 18 and already knows about creeping malaise. It chills me to the bone.

11 Responses to “Alyssa Reid ft. Jump Smokers – Alone Again”


  2. Number 2 in the UK. There’s probably a reason for that, but it’s not springing to mind right now.

  3. A new jukebox low, score-wise?

  4. it HAS to be unless there was ever a song where there were more goose eggs than 1’s. i think prior lows were anjulie and asher. Lotta A’s; the first shall be the last i guess

  5. I can’t understand how any of you people managed to muster the enthusiasm to give this a 1.

  6. For me it’s the other way around — I’ve got to muster enthusiasm to give something a [0].

  7. Oh, this was so that bad.

  8. Edward, there actually was a hyper-Euro cover of Alone that came out a while back.

    At least Kim Sozzi’s doesn’t take herself so seriously. This (Alyssa’s) is seriously the worst ever.

  9. Ooh thank you, Liam! Not quite sure the song itself works with a hyper-Euro beat (too many longish notes in the melody, maybe?) but you’re right, stacks better than Alyssa Reid.

  10. Sccores below 2 on the nu-box:

    Jedward – Bad Behaviour [1.91]
    Charlene Soraia – Wherever You Will Go [1.89]
    Chris Brown – Changed Man [1.88]
    Anjulie – Stand Behind the Music [1.88]
    Bruno Mars – The Lazy Song [1.87]
    Jay-Z ft. Mr Hudson – Young Forever [1.80]
    Noah and the Whale – L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. [1.80]
    Lou Reed & Metallica – The View [1.80]
    Down With Webster – She’s Dope [1.75]
    Alyssa Reid ft. Jump Smokers – Alone Again [1.00]

    Back in the Stylus days, Towers of London scored 0.80 with “Fuck It Up” but that was from just five reviews (four 0s and a 4) so Alyssa’s run of nothing higher than a 2 from ten is very, er, impressive.

  11. This piece of shit < Lutallica.