The Singles Jukebox

OMG, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling…

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[4.88]

Brad Shoup: Of course the missing ingredient in “Make It Rain” was a pan pipe! It was right in front of us the whole time! Expert Storching aside, I really like the lilt they put on “Gucci this” et al. They could’ve gone with a harder syllable division, but they didn’t. No idea if it means anything; it’s just more fun to hear. The rest is on some Suburgatory shit.
[5]

Iain Mew: I sort of wish that there was more like “You might have the same outfit/If you ain’t got my swag you can’t rock it like this” because that kind of bragging is much more enjoyable than the straight up consumption boasting on view elsewhere. Nonetheless, the song remains stupidly fun (eh!).
[7]

Jer Fairall: Conspicuous consumption just got a bit more conspicuous. 
[3]

Anthony Easton: Gucci has made no consumer good worth purchasing since Tom Ford left to make perfume and expensive movies. 
[3]

Edward Okulicz: My tolerance for shiny, pink R&B girl pop is at an all-time high these days, but sadly, it’s got to do more than just spout labels at me and be an earache not an earworm. Really, did we need another song about how wearing lots of expensive clothes and accessories is really great? I guess we did if it sounds great, but hyper-materialism should sound thrilling and luxurious, not like a Rihanna demo. Not quite basic bitches, because you can sing, but you’re definitely not all that, girlz.
[3]

Katherine St Asaph: Everything turn-of-the-century is now on turn two, which means it’s time for 3LW reprises. A synonym for that is “retreads,” which explains why band name OMG Girlz (and one member’s former group QT Posse) has the plasticky whiff of the boardroom, why “Gucci This” itself sounds like “Talk That Talk” via teleprompter, why it’s built from brass and stuttery snares as carbon-datable to 2010s pop-R&B as clipped record-scratches were to the early 2000s, and why it could’ve been written by college sophomores assigned to recreate Kreayshawn using only YouTube, Just Jared and the pop-culture definition of “swag.” People will carp about manufactured girl groups, and they’ll be hilariously wrong; girl groups have been manufactured for the past century and one particular model — the Spector products — are now the model for every “acceptable” indie group nowadays. OMG Girlz have connections, but they’ve also got talent. You can’t blame kids, anyway, for what grownups do. They’re not the problem. The problem is that pop in 2012 is really starting to suck.
[3]

John Seroff: If OMG Girlz, like Mindless Behavior before them, make the transition from 106 and Park to MTV, they’ll almost certainly drown their more expensive reshoot video in the unnecessary hot sauce of name brands and guest rapper. I can see the logos and hear the BURRRs already. Until then, the dressed-by-Rainbow optics of this would-be TLC 2012 evoke nothing more than kids playing imaginary dress-up in a world where asking for “one of errrythang” is a fairy queen’s prerogative. This sort of gimmegimmegimme is ridiculous coming from grown ups but, artfully rendered, it can be oddly charming from the mouths of babes. None of which matters if the track isn’t banging but OMG, is it ever. The brass leaves snowshoe-size footprints, the percussion is slot machine bazonkers, the wobbly electronic flute traces an off-balance but sure-footed path forward; all the instrumental elements of “Gucci This” are drunkenly graceful and expertly applied. The Girlz are equally balletically blunted, aiming for and generally producing Ciara-quality vocals. 
[10]

Alfred Soto: Multicolored meaninglessness rises and falls on spritz and belief in its own weirdness. Through the Fisher Price Girl Group production, the girls’ voices articulate, with some success, the shrewdest way to stay cool and shallow with the same effort it takes to slip into tight red pants. This track stays shallow-shallow instead of cool-shallow.
[5]