Enter “Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start” at the Jukebox and you get an automatic [10]…

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[4.10]
Katherine St Asaph: Press the Enter key, type in “a more relatable kygo or a less turned-up dj snake,” and press Enter again. You gain 5000 gold, maybe like 14 radio adds, and all your units turn into Spotify streams. However, album campaign victory conditions may no longer be met.
[2]
Scott Mildenhall: When the DJ on the radio promises Chico and then plays this, it’s hard not to be disappointed. Even if it was him it wouldn’t be the best song by a 2005 X Factor finalist called “No Promises,” but with it he does share a reliance on only a limited set of attributes. There’s the bit that sounds like “What’s My Name” and the bit where all the funny noises get to dance around by themselves, but beyond and including those, very little sticks in the memory.
[5]
Jonathan Bradley: “Cut me up like a knife and I feel it,” is a very Demi Lovato line she gets to deliver amidst synths sharp as cotton balls. A singer practiced at carving clean emotional lines, the soft-textured EDM suits her unexpectedly well. Her duet partner is less adept: Trevor Dahl of Cheat Codes exhumes a Rihanna hook to warn “just be careful” sounding timorous, not romantic. (It’s OK to be both.) His band is still infatuated with the Jack Ü dolphin call.
[5]
Thomas Inskeep: This is, sadly, a huge step back for Lovato after her awesome Confident album. Here, she’s reduced to the “girl singer on an EDM track” role, while one of the guys from Cheat Codes — who, you might recall, last year brought us the truly hideous “Sex” — does his best Biebs impression while singing some shit about “promise me no promises.” This is limpest possible variety of EDM pop.
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Crystal Leww: Like the current EDM-pop champs, Cheat Codes kicked off their tour into the mainstream with an exceptionally bad song and have managed to turn it around by working with a talented woman well suited to their tropical house production-style. Demi Lovato has been pretty quiet since “Cool for the Summer” took over summer 2015, but she’s always been a fairly decent pop singer with the ability to really deliver a big pop moment. I don’t know how pop these days became so hesitant to falling in love (blame Drake, I guess?) but I can appreciate how a spectrum of romantic relationships are being represented by women in pop music now.
[7]
Will Adams: Lovato proves herself to be an excellent dance vocalist here; pulling back from her usual theatrics allows her to deliver power at only the crucial moments. Meanwhile, the dude wouldn’t have reminded me of Bieber so much had he not done the “oh na na.” I’m starting to tire of the same sad-face attitude toward young love on all these songs, but the bracing thwack of “No Promises” mostly makes up for it.
[6]
Rachel Bowles: Little seems to be gained out of this being a duet. Demi emotes her heart out before Cheat Codes’ Trevor Dahl’s bland vocals flatline at a critical point — when the song should be peaking after the build up and before the drop. Still, all in all a danceable summer affair, though a shame for its wasted potential.
[6]
Ryo Miyauchi: Speaking strictly Demi, this is another fine dip into dance-pop and great exploration of the thin end of her voice, first teased in “Cool for the Summer.” But if I came across this randomly in public, I can’t say for sure that I could make out that this is Demi out of the hundreds of post-Purpose tropic pop out there, especially with her counterpart trying really hard for that Bieber money with those “oh na na”s.
[5]
Iain Mew: Industry progession, a more interesting tale than this sound of putting our entire last dance producer+pop vocalist day in a blender: Imitating the sound of records -> Uncredited samples -> Getting Kelli Leigh to recreate the sample for you -> In-house Justin Bieber impersonator?
[3]
Alfred Soto: I promise nothing.
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