Friday, May 29th, 2009

Cam’ron ft. Skitzo and Byrd Lady – Cookies-N-Apple Juice

Return of the pastel poobah…


Doug Robertson: The last time I heard someone do the lyric “Milk/Milk/Lemonade/Round the corner fudge is made”, it was The Krankies, and even though it was being said by a sixty year old woman dressed as a schoolboy, it still seemed less wrong than it does in this context. I need a shower, and not the kind that’s being alluded to here.

Chuck Eddy: Maybe the first song in history to work in the immortal grade-school grossout chant, and notable for that alone. Less notable for the Soulja Boy “youuuu” stuff, and way less notable for “I’ll have you squirtin’ for certain” — I’m already boycotting by principle every song where a circle-jerking rap or r&b nincompoop promises to “make it rain” (started with “skeet,” right?); hard to imagine anything more clinical and unsexy to brag about. Still, “Cookies-N-Apple Juice” feels spirited, if rather blurry. And the (apparently just leaked) “Silky (No Homo)” track it segues into in the video is real fun — a way-bouncy rip of Steppenwolf (“Sookie Sookie”) via Fern Kinney (“Groove Me”) that comes across like a funked-up toga party. I’d give that song an 8; this one just gets a…

Martin Kavka: What am I supposed to make of “I’ll have you squirtin’ for certain / yeah, bring a diaper”? Am I supposed to be impressed by the rhyme structure? And also by the sexual prowess to which this refers? Am I supposed to laugh? Am I supposed to have my horizons for possible fetishes broadened? I have no idea. Still, the diaper move seems a bit rude. Hasn’t Cam’ron heard Kiss’s “Lick It Up”?

Michaelangelo Matos: Oooh — a chorus that’s a Soulja Boy dis. Maybe I shouldn’t find this even interesting, but it’s so funny I don’t care.

Jonathan Bradley: You wouldn’t know it from this song, but Crime Pays is actually a satisfyingly coherent return to form. “Cookies-N-Apple Juice” is another story: Cam sounds more animated than he has for quite some years, but there is absolutely no way I can endorse a song with a hook like “Milk, milk, lemonade/Round the corner, fudge made.” Skip this and head straight to the Rust Belt murk of “Get It in Ohio” if you want to feel like Killa is back.

Jordan Sargent: As a kowtow to Southern rap this is way less embarrassing than things that Fat Joe has attempted to pull off, but ultimately it’s beyond unnecessary.

Hillary Brown: I wouldn’t say Cam’ron’s effort in the field raises the last successful minimalist rap single to the level of literature, but if “Cookies-N-Apple Juice” is the scrawlings of a Benjy-type illiterate, GS Boyz are up around the Tim LaHaye plateau.

Rodney J. Greene: Disappointingly not about giving blood. Cam tries the old ploy of counterbalancing his misogyny with a female rapper talking nasty right back at him, but it doesn’t work because her filth isn’t nearly as imaginative as his.

Erick Bieritz: Congratulations Rowdy Roddy Piper, you are now a verb. In the burgeoning genre of apple juice rap, the hook here compares unfavorably to Keri Hilson’s “Henny & Apple Juice.” Extract the 50 first seconds of Cam weirdness and trash the rest.

Additional Scores

Matt Cibula: [3]
Martin Skidmore: [6]

5 Responses to “Cam’ron ft. Skitzo and Byrd Lady – Cookies-N-Apple Juice”

  1. “Make it rain” /= “skeet!”

    It means to throw money around.

  2. So it’s an even bigger cliche than I thought, then?

  3. I was apparently also wrong about “Silky (No Homo)” having “just leaked” — never trust youtube comments. Turns out it’s on Crime Pays (which I haven’t heard.)

  4. #53 on Billboard‘s country chart this week is a song called “I Can’t Make It Rain,” by the group Houston Country. (Seemed worth pointing out here, somehow.)

  5. Oops, actually #56 not #53. (I know that detail matters a lot to whoever is reading this.) (#53 is Montgomery Gentry’s “Oughta Be More Songs About That,” which raises the inevitable question, “about what“?)