And this year’s shittily-coiffured American rock success story is…

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[4.75]

Ian Mathers: Dude, you are far too old to be spending three and a half minutes on this teenage bullshit. Just start wearing a t-shirt that says “Ask Me About My Parents’ Divorce,” it’ll get you the attention you want.
[2]

Al Shipley: Shinedown’s always been kind of an anonymous rock radio staple along the lines of Three Days Grace, constantly racking up hits but never crossing over to the big money (and big hate) reserved for, say, Nickelback. “Second Chance” is their big play for the cheap seats, though, and it’s surprisingly effective; the breakdown before the last chorus is massive, and cheesy fist-pumping nonsense like “tell my mother, tell my father” and “I’m not angry, I’M JUST SAYING” is insanely fun to belt along with, at least the first 200 times. I think I’m well past 300 at this point, though.
[8]

Dave Moore: Shinedown have figured out how to make lots of people wave cell phones in the air. This is not a skill that makes them deserving of much distinction, but I did unconsciously start to sway a little, so points for effort.
[3]

Iain Mew: I was already taking against this as typical overwrought American MOR rock bullshit (and don’t Take That achieve what this is going far much better now?). Then the Halley’s Comet bit and superfluous strings started giving me flashbacks to “Drops of Jupiter”. Brrr.
[1]

Martin Skidmore: Actually, this is a particularly good example of its kind, mostly not oversung, with a tune and a singer who can sing, and some restraint and even subtlety in the music. It’s not my thing, but it does its job very well.
[6]

David Raposa: That a vocalist can simultaneously remind me of the frontbros for Collective Soul, Nickelback, and *shudder* Puddle of Mudd, and not make me completely lose my shit and/or lunch must mean the flourinated water is doing its job. As far as shameless clenched-fist Cowell-baiting string-bowing pseudo-anthems of the rock persuasion go, this ain’t so bad — it’s properly macho, but in a family-friendly way. Not butch enough for win-or-go-home sports promos, but perfect for downtrodden montage sequences featuring people in various states of distress & buyers’ remorse. And in other news, I think I actually like this dopey thing.
[7]

Martin Kavka: Now that Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers have officially entered Geezerville, Northern Florida now gets another band to claim as its darlings. This has hit #1 on the US rock charts, and I can see why. This has passionately delivered vocals, guitars and strings mixed equally forward, and a lyric about leaving home that’s perfectly designed for those radio listeners who want to leave their communities but don’t have the wherewithal to actually do so. It doesn’t transcend its genre, but I don’t know whether that’s reason to penalize it.
[7]

Hillary Brown: You know, if this were an Avril Lavigne song, I’d probably love it. But it’s not…
[4]