The Singles Jukebox

Yes, we’re bringing back all our old pariahs! Next, Alyssa Reid’s new single… or not.

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[3.00]

Iain Mew: Not actually 2013’s worst mystifyingly successful song called “One in a Million” by a hopeless group with no chance of charting outside of their home territory!
[3]

Alfred Soto: What the hell’s got you people so enthusiastic about that you need handclaps and electronic vocal stutter? Save the enthusiasm for the Farfisa. 
[3]

Patrick St. Michel: I’d hardly call a tossed-off EDM-aping build a one in a million occurrence, you guys.
[1]

Anthony Easton: You are only one in a million because this has been done this many times before. 
[2]

Will Adams: The joke is that even if they had provided evidence for their claims, they would still be assholes, right? Right??
[2]

John Seroff: Could any of our resident pedants kindly advise me:  is it “ironic” or “unfortunate” that this bog standard rock-rap-combo claims to be “one in a million” when they might as well be mimeographed from any of a dozen other equally interchangeably disposable plug-and-radio-play products?  Never mind; I’m opting for “who cares”.
[3]

Katherine St Asaph: Dude, I hadn’t thought about Bosson in ages!
[4]

Brad Shoup: It actually starts off with small promise. Rinky Halloween organ, two-chord trebly riffage, backgrounded Northern Soul beat: all simple things, all fine ingredients for a throwaway summer jam. Then comes the rippity-rapping. And the guitar and organ get an EDM refit. Just a brutal waste of strengths.
[4]

Edward Okulicz: Nowhere near as awful as it could have been, as lite-club-pop with a breezy organ line is actually an interesting combination. It even approaches “good” if you can blot out the cringeworthy pained singing. The self-aggrandisement is empty, but I’ve forgiven far worse cases of that and so have you. What I think works is that rather than being too stuffed for its own good like “She’s Dope,” the lite-EDM wallpaper job means that there’s a bit of space for the song to breathe. Dare I suggest this is far too goofy and good-natured to properly hate?
[5]