The Singles Jukebox

This will be a Number One so who cares what we think? Other than you, dear readers.

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Katie Gill: Bruno Mars is best at doing songs that aren’t in the style of Bruno Mars. “Locked Out of Heaven,” “Uptown Funk”, and now “24K Magic,” which owes a LOT to Kool and the Gang turned up to eleven and run through a layer of autotune. And, as someone who’s a big Kool and the Gang fan, that’s something I’m 100% here for. However, one of the things that saved his previous work from being pastiche is Mars’s voice: the smooth vocals added a new layer of depths to his work. The same can’t be said about his rapping. I don’t want to say that it’s not that hot (hot damn) because it’s certainly passable, but it alternates between cringeworthy corny and endearingly corny.
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Alfred Soto: The last time he sent us critics scurrying through our collection of Gap Band 12″s for referents; now the vocoderized bits provide the Zapp. I’m not a fan: a performer with a voice that sounds it’s gargling through cinder blocks can’t generate enthusiasm no matter how many call-and-responses he uses. 
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Claire Biddles: Like “Call Me Maybe,” “Life During Wartime” and — yes — “Uptown Funk,” this is one of a handful of songs that brings me such simple, raw joy that I have no desire to dissect its many complex parts and figure out how they fit into such a natural and satisfying whole. For that reason I won’t go into details — except to state the obvious, which is that “Cuban links/designer minks” is the best pop fashion reference since “Chucks on with Saint Laurent.”
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Olivia Rafferty: I think when Mark Ronson released Uptown Special after the single “Uptown Funk” took the world by storm, there was a collective groan as we all realised there wasn’t going to be anything on it that so much as echoed the best-selling track of the LP. What “24K” proves is that the magic always follows Bruno Mars, who is a tour de force of soulful flashback pop; a commander of rough ‘n’ ready vocals, glittering synths, and one helluva groove.
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Thomas Inskeep: Wherein Bruno Mars decides that “Uptown Funk!” was far too subtle. He’s rocking levels of braggadocious swagger unseen since Mystikal’s reign, pulls in a guy who goes by the name Mr. TalkBox (most recently heard on TobyMac’s Christian #1 “Feel It”, so that’s something) to handle the Roger Troutman-esque intro, and the production by Shampoo Press & Curl (really, that’s their name) is straight-up 1982 Ohio funk. (Did you know that Zapp, Lakeside, and Slave were all from the Buckeye state? They were.) Not to mention that amidst the song’s references to pinky rings, pimping, and Mars’s, er, “rocket,” you’ve got the the lyric “Got to blame it on Jesus, hashtag ‘blessed’!” hitting new heights of brilliant ridiculousness (or ridiculous brilliance). Much like “Uptown Funk!,” there’s a real irony here that “24K Magic” would’ve likely been ignored by U.S. top 40 radio had it come out in 1982 (as Sean Ross superbly broke down 2 years ago), but today it’s already receiving saturation levels of airplay, and will likely continue to do so into the winter months. This is the summer jam we needed but didn’t get this year, but with a song this hot, I’ll take it any time of year. “24K Magic” is one of the jams of 2016, and will end up being one of the defining musical memories of the year. It goes against every single dominant grain in pop music right now (and, for that matter, R&B too), which helps it stand out that much more brightly. Check the shine on this. 
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William John: The chorus’ tiptoeing “Genius of Love” tinkles are a nice touch, but most thrilling of all is the doomy, Valhalla-like synth employed in the bridge, opening the song up like a crevasse. It’s evidently a deliberate production choice given that this appears ergonomically designed for weddings and parties, but if my sunshine strut to this yesterday lunchtime with headphones in is any indication, “24K Magic” works with anything.
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Will Adams: I’m skeptical about the apparent need for “Uptown Funk: Take Two” with worse one-liners (give the color red the blues?) and the only discernible change being more synths. On the plus side, Bruno Mars sometimes sounds a lot like Coach Z.
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Brad Shoup: The talkbox is a sacrament, a heightening and elongation of emotion. Mars drops a corner’s worth of ’em onto the intro, recalling Zapp’s late-career caress of “I Only Have Eyes For You”. Like “Uptown Funk,” this nails the vibe (wide-lapel synthbass and “Summer Madness” rise) but craps out on catchphrases. It’s a host who can’t let the party do the work. But bless him for the effort — and, with the talkbox, the brief romantic respite.
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Cassy Gress: I was one of those people who desperately wanted Bruno Mars to quit doing sappy-ass boring ballads and do more funk stuff. “Uptown Funk” came out and I was vindicated. And then this comes out, which is basically “Uptown Funk Mk II”, and now I don’t know what I want out of him. Because this ain’t it – it nails that George Benson sort of sound and his hype men are very sincere, but maybe it’s too similar? Maybe it feels too much like attempting to catch lightning in a bottle? Bruno’s got a nice tenor but spends most of this song rapping, and the pre-chorus builds up too slowly so it feels like parts of the song are missing every time it pops up. The song is like a shiny, sparkly lump of coal.
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Anthony Easton: Smooth, slick, and digestible history of funk in a kind of thinned out production, a simulacrum of musical history–but that’s what you go to Bruno Mars for. Could have done better if the robot cried  or sweated. 
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Leonel Manzanares de la Rosa: The production in this Zapp-meets-the-Furious Five-throwback — starting with that stellar vocoder-laden intro — feels so triumphant on first listen, you kinda go cold after a while, when the effect wears off and all you’ve got is a gentrified “King Kunta.” It does have more bite than “Uptown Funk,” and it will definitely be big, but it ends up doing very little justice to such an amazing set of sonic references. 
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Edward Okulicz: Bruno Mars is very smart if he’s decided to become the decade’s premier purveyor of wedding party bangers, because nobody else is doing it, he’s good at it, and there’s lots of money to be made and fun to be had. But this one doesn’t quite get your drunk aunt all the way to the middle of the floor. Its melange of cool R&B and dance tropes are fun but the piece of the song feel haphazardly strung together in a way that’s strained and not effortless like “Uptown Funk!” was. And it doesn’t have a terrific singalong melody like, say, “Treasure.” Really it’s not much of a song, though the sounds are frequently incredible.
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Katherine St Asaph: A lot of warring factors here: the not-even-disguised attempt at an “Uptown Funk” reprise, the fact that Bruno Mars’ music increasingly sounds like dress rehearsals for Bruno Mars’ Vegas residency, the brazen, neon, joyful un-unlikability of it. Guess the last one won out.
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