The Singles Jukebox

Yes, we’re going to talk about sex so mabe these idiots will learn something.

[Video][Website]
[1.75]

Abby Waysdorf: So this song is just bland enough for me to not actually pay attention when I hear it out in the world, only to be surprised by the chorus. “Hey! I know that song! I like that song! Wait, it’s some weird version.” And then I forget it when the chorus goes away, only to be surprised *again*. Anyway, it makes me angry each time. Listening to it for review shows that it’s even worse than I thought. Fuck this song.
[0]

Crystal Leww: No no no no no no no no no no no no no (no no no no no no)
[0]

Iain Mew: The chorus in this context comes across like the way politicians say “let’s talk about immigration”. Not with any intention of limiting their options by really saying anything about it, just so that they can get across the idea of having talked about it, and pretend that was really daring.
[3]

Josh Winters: The score represents how long this dude would last.
[1]

Will Adams: Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. But mostly the bad things :(
[2]

Scott Mildenhall: The last time this site covered Cheat Codes, a third of all blurbs referenced Owl City, the pop music imago of purposeful immaturity and perpetual childhood. Since sonically this doesn’t diverge too far from that path, it is faintly disconcerting quite how the subject matter does. There’s nothing sexy about the word sex; Salt-N-Pepa were not trying to make it so. Nonetheless, Cheat Codes have made a worse job of it.
[4]

Cassy Gress: I very much dislike this video, but the song itself has one of those shivery vibrato guys tripping his way through a Salt-n-Pepa song, and manages to sound neither like a seduction song nor like a post-sex song, while using terrible turns of phrase such as “I’ll eat you like a cannibal” and “do it in the shower, pussy power.”
[3]

Brad Shoup: The verses and chorus are two separate crimes: the latter jacks the ebullient frankness of a familiar jam about (safe!) sex so it can be rammed into the Andy Stitzer dialogue of the former. The Salt-n-Pepa rip is the most egregious, but I swear they’ve also gone after Sisqo and Ellie Goulding. Pretty cynical, and we don’t even get a tune out of the deal.
[1]

Alfred Soto: Real chipmunks can talk about sex, not pitch-altered ones. And about Salt-n-Pepa too.
[2]

Thomas Inskeep: A pop record from the Spinnin’ Records hit factory, with unbelievably bland vocals interpolating Salt-N-Pepa with no imagination whatsoever. Having sex with this idiot would be like having sex with a married Republican Congressman. [Also, who thought “Kris Kross Amsterdam” was a good idea?]
[0]

Megan Harrington: When I was 11 I badly wanted to watch South Park so I could be cool and have friends like everyone else in my 6th grade class. My mom agreed to watch an episode with me and reserve judgement until it ended. God, it was a riot. Kenny died, Cartman’s cheesy poofs — I was so ready to talk to the kids at school. That was, until my mom turned to me and asked, “What’s a carpet muncher?” And I told her, “It’s a person who eats carpeting from the floor.” Without explanation, I was deemed not adult enough for South Park. Though they have access to Urban Dictionary, Cheat Codes x Kris Kross Amsterdam are not adult enough for sex. Please see a doctor if your genitals are in any way cinnamon-y. 
[4]

Katherine St Asaph: And I’m a twerp.
[1]