The Singles Jukebox

If only this did sound like a helicopter, eh?

[Video][Website]
[2.88]

Katie Gill: How intensely lethargic. Both Lloyd and the beat feel like they took a strong sedative; there’s barely any emotion in here. The middle of the road, intensely generic lyrics aren’t helping anything. The song just feels so flat… a little bit odd considering that it’s supposed to be a kiss-off.
[4]

Will Adams: “None of My Business” plays like an inversion of “Want U Back,” where breakup regret becomes told-you-so derision, fizzy pop is reduced into a syrup, and fun is now lethargy.
[3]

Will Rivitz: I’m glad “Issues” ended up a smash hit, as it’s led to plenty of genuinely inspired pop songs in the same sonic vein. This is not one of them.
[4]

Iris Xie: This song sounds really empty and lacks the verve necessary for a song like this, and it doesn’t fill it up or try to do anything with the rhythms either; it’s just trying to capitalize on that minimal sound without the effort to make empty space feel participatory and engrossing. The nursery rhyme melodies don’t help either, and why are people still trying to make references to “started from the bottom?” Drake is not where I’d go for a cultural flashpoint at this point. The nursery rhyme is quite good at one thing though… it’s very good at putting me to sleep.
[1]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: This manages to sound ambitious and dull at the same time, which means that it suffers from having good ideas that are poorly executed. Worst of all is how Cher Lloyd doesn’t even sound like she’s a part of the song; she’s just there, her voice just more wasted potential. I’m not sure I’ll ever figure out what this song is about, because it doesn’t do anything to warrant careful listening. I’m sure it doesn’t say much anyway.
[1]

Ian Mathers: “Protesting Too Much: The Song” isn’t exactly a good look for anyone, you know?
[4]

Micha Cavaseno: Arrogance is surprisingly easy to wield and fun to use in a crowded area, no matter who you hurt and how badly you look in retrospect. “None of My Business” is fascinating in that it really tries to make ugly behavior seem charming. It’s a record for behavior which outsiders might call “small” and thanks to the Build-a-Bear vibes of the production and Lloyd’s babyish nasal coo it really does its best to infantilize its pettiness and try to pass it off as cute. Were the song to go for more lyrically than its simple modern touchstones (many of which are a couple years late to really pack a punch) you’d maybe have something to work with, and Hitimpulse’s inclination to burst in with that weird Leslie West sample is a strange reflexive flinch against committing to the record. In that sense, “None of My Business” isn’t nearly as nasty or ghastly as it is just obnoxious, but who can’t relate to failing to look good while being so bad-minded?
[4]

Katherine St Asaph: I feel like I’ve read the same “why is pop so sad?” piece twice a year since 2016, but this time there really might be something to it. Even Cher Lloyd sounds joyless.
[2]