The Singles Jukebox

And of course, also rhyming with “Coldplay,” is “Beyoncé.”

[Video][Website]
[4.00]

Alfred Soto: I should applaud Coldplay unbuttoning their shirts and essaying their own “Ignition,” but from Beyoncé’s morose backup vocal (she sounds like a reluctant guest joining a hammered boyfriend at the karaoke machine) to the uninspired rhythm, “Hymn for the Weekend” plays like a copy of a copy: “Hymn for a Hymn for the Weekend.”
[4]

Cassy Gress: In general, I don’t dislike Coldplay’s sound.  There are well-documented issues with their visual presentation as of the last few years, but A Rush of Blood to the Head is actually one of my favorite albums.  Yes, their music is all kind of samey, but it’s a comfortable sameness.  This, however, is lazy as hell.  “Oh, angel sent from up above.” snore “Life’s a drink and love’s a drug.” yawn “Beyoncé is here for no apparent reason other than as a Super Bowl tie-in.”  zzzz Chris Martin, I don’t buy for one bit that you feel so drunk and high, unless you are high on India, in which case bwoop bwoop white colonialism warning.  The only, only neat thing about this song is that in the final fadeout, Beyoncé sounds a little bit like a Bollywood playback singer, but I honestly don’t know if I’m just hearing that because of the video.
[3]

Brad Shoup: In a pre-“Formation” world, Beyoncé’s presence felt like charity. Now, it’s just a puzzler. Stargate and Coldplay both whiff on turning the refrain’s horns way up, like they’re in 2014 or something. Instead, they make it a muddle of voices and thudding bass. Perhaps it fit the general theme of saying dumb shit while drunk. Martin’s jingly piano and Stargate’s funky triangle argue for something more straightforward, but I guess they figured “Lost!” wrecked the curve.
[5]

Jibril Yassin: Coldplay’s credit was hedging their bets on a chorus that’s so unlike anything they’ve done before – Chris Martin belting about how drunk and high he is. It’s quite the new look for them; Coldplay have always fit the role of earnest students rather well, too shy and awkward to make themselves the life of the party. Unfortunately, their love for doggerel holds them back from achieving anything quite life affirming with this song despite everything else — squandered Bey cameo withstanding — working out. 
[3]

Ramzi Awn: Something weird just happened. I was listening to the Andra Day song so I could review it, and when I tried to switch over to “Hymn for the Weekend,” the only thing Spotify would let me do is keep listening to Andra Day. I couldn’t help but think of the 2007 New Yorker article on the Kate Bush album Aerial in which David Sedaris shares his account of the record, partly inspired by birdsong, which invoked a literal onslaught of birds at his country home. He mused on the oddity of destiny, and music. I thought, “What if the universe needs for me to listen to Andra Day today, the same way it needed for David Sedaris to listen to Aerial then?” When I was finally able to play “Hymn for the Weekend,” it started out with a birdsong sample from the noted Bush album. St. Patrick had his eyes on today. The song itself is more than negligible, but the intro alone warrants five points. 
[5]

Edward Okulicz: I used to find Coldplay’s particular but mutating brand of sicko populism works best in small doses. Now I find it works for about a line at a time. I kind of long for the time when they looked like massive dorks but nailed the big anthemic moments (sometimes). Now they’re massive stars who know massive stars, and they finally sound like the dorks they once were. Eveything I said about that last single of theirs holds here too except this one is slightly better, and this would have probably worked better actually sung by someone else like “See It In a Boy’s Eyes” or “Want.”
[6]

Thomas Inskeep: This is how you waste a Beyoncé guest vocal.
[2]