The Singles Jukebox

Didn’t kings of pop used to be a bit more interesting than this?…

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[4.78]

Iain Mew: As if “I Gotta Feeling” becoming the UK’s first million-selling download wasn’t inexplicable enough (“Boom Boom Pow” was better for a start), we just sent this retread to number one as well. It’s not like Guetta’s ideas were even that special before reaching such a point of diminishing returns.
[3]

Michaelangelo Matos: Funny to realize Guetta is behind the rather good Kelis album, because most of the time he’s utter trash. This is so by-numbers it smells, and Fergie is one of the least convincing singers of all time, utterly unable to communicate believable human sentiment.
[2]

Martin Skidmore: Parts have some musical punch, but there are too many vocalists on this for my tastes, and I’m not a big fan of any of them, especially when they sound kind of strained and desperate as on this: at times they sound as if they think they are singing heavy metal.
[5]

Alfred Soto: It took all those names to come up with this hook?
[2]

Katherine St Asaph: David Guetta churns the Black Eyed Peas’ past year into a slurry, Fergie and Chris Willis take turns wailing, and the LMFAO guys robo-chant over freaky synths as if they’re commissioned to do the soundtrack for Ryan’s Wreck. I’m not sure whether to dance or jump out the window and call the cops.
[6]

Jonathan Bogart: There’s something undeniable about Guetta productions, a sort of insists-on-itself grandeur that even if you hate has to be taken into account (the analogy that comes to mind is James Cameron in film). I haven’t liked, to put it mildly, everything he’s done, but Fergie at her most bombastic is exactly what this sort of overdriven schlock-bosh needs. It never quite takes off, but man does it rev.
[8]

Anthony Easton: Now this is a proper bosh; I nod my head like I’m in some sort of e-trance.
[8]

Rodney J. Greene: Totally shameless in riding the coattails of “I Gotta Feeling”, identical opening and all. From there, it’s only half as stridently obnoxious, but, no coincidence, not half as inspired.
[5]

John Seroff: Music for people who find C+C Music Factory too cerebral, subtle as a brick and complex as Jell-O. Looped chants — “I’m’a party and party and party andparandpar and party” — over velveeta synths, Journey keyboards, rinse-cycle sloshing, a badly-bruised hi-hat and Fergie’s requisite acapella coda from a Deep Thoughts Diva make for a track nearly indistinguishable from parody and nearly impossible to embrace without stimulants.
[4]