The Singles Jukebox

We’re so excited! We’re finally moving in with Joe Jonas!

[Video][Website]
[3.59]

Cassy Gress: I won’t lie, I burst out laughing the first time I heard that “awoo!” Can we not just agree that Shakira’s got a lock on seductive wolf sounds, and leave them to her? Joe Jonas attempts to channel the night moves that Nick’s been putting out, but despite his biceps, he can’t manage much other than a little lick on each L in “at my place.” Meanwhile, there’s nothing inherently wrong with politeness but this song is so hesitant and doe-eyed. “Maybe […] you could leave a toothbrush at my place.” “Would you mind closing the door?” “Please could I perhaps get a handie if it’s not too much trouble?” Okay, I made that last one up, but you get my point. It might just be me, but it feels both defensive and manipulative, like he’s expecting a no and is hoping the question will oblige her into a yes. I think there are ways that this could have been sexy, but we’d need to be talking about Connery-era James Bond.
[4]

Tim de Reuse: It’s got the groove of “Get Lucky” dipped in molasses, but the vocabulary of a rhyming dictionary. I suppose he’s going for cute, or something, but no amount of genuine, dripping sincerity could ever make the chant “When you’re standing there / in your underwear” strike me as heartwarming.
[5]

Katie Gill: “Cake by the Ocean” was Joe Jonas’s attempt at getting of the kidpop image by saying “fucking.” “Toothbrush” is Joe Jonas’s attempt at getting out of the kidpop image by going “hey, guess who has sex, HERE’S A HINT IT’S ME.”  And just by making that statement I’ve put more thought into this song than the entirety of DNCE has.
[3]

Lauren Gilbert: It’s unfortunate that this starts with the weakest section of the song; Joe Jonas’ falsetto makes me want to turn it off immediately.  But beyond the chorus, the rest of the song is growing on me. It’s… sweet, in a way that most boyband alumni seem to disclaim (I’m looking at you, Zayn), and the music video is adorable. Sure, it’s saccharine, but I’ll sing along to the “standing there / in your underwear” while brushing my teeth in the morning, thinking about the kind of guy who really does want to see me again.
[5]

Taylor Alatorre: The use of “underwear” worked in “She Looks So Perfect” because it contributed to an aura of carefree, youthful irreverence. It suggested sex, but it didn’t try to wring every last ounce of erotic potential out of what is generally agreed to be an unsexy word. Here, Joe Jonas approaches the word like a pigeon crashing into a window, never stopping to consider how much his underwear-based couplet resembles a grade school taunt. Impersonating (and falling miles short of) Miguel is one thing, but if your Sexy Adult Sex Song fails to live up to standards set by a pop punk boy band, maybe you should try writing about hand-holding and work your way up from there.
[2]

Alfred Soto: Warning: the briefest exposure to Joe Jonas’ falsetto will kill your grandmother. As erotic as a soap bar, Jonas whines about closing doors, underwear, and bare feet while an enervated rhythm guitar goes through the motions of injecting slink.
[2]

Madeleine Lee: The lyrics of “Cake By The Ocean” are idiotic, but they go with the song’s snappy, pseudo-spontaneous party vibe; whereas here, the lyrics are idiotic, but the airbrushed guitar tones indicate that they’re meant to be taken seriously.
[1]

Patrick St. Michel: What former boy band members are even left to make songs where they announce to the world, “I’ve had sex?” “Toothbrush” is the worst of the yeah-I-fuck crop yet, a bunch of winking innuendo that becomes stupider with each new line. Like…”close the bedroom door,” I wonder why. 
[2]

Katherine St Asaph: I changed my mind. “American Apparel underwear” was better. Also, this latest attempt to sexify the unsexifiable, especially Joe’s timbre on “unnhderwear,” is enough to make me weld it to my groin.
[1]

Anthony Easton: I don’t quite get what is happening with the bedroom door, but the chorus is engaging, the production has a solid beat, and it has the feel of a dance remix of an acoustic ballad, which is usually kind of obnoxious, but works here more than I thought it would. 
[8]

Adaora Ede: I’m guessing this is meant to be a shoutout to one of those universal experiences: the beauty of the morning after. As with “Cake by the Ocean,” there was little left to the imagination, even just looking at the blatant double entendre in the title of the former. In the same way, all DNCE’s music comes off as intentionally millenial pop. Something is decidedly grimy about the line “When you’re standing there in your underwear / And my t-shirt from the night before” being sung over color-by-numbers synthpop. This is way too labored to be cool. I’m not trying to succumb to petty sibling rivalry, but Nick Jonas has probably done the one of most cohesive jobs of all the tweenage idols transitioning from Disneydom to mainstream pop. Joe, the falsetto and the forced sexiness is so much better left to your baby brother.
[3]

Hannah Jocelyn: “Cake by the Ocean” was maligned by TSJ last year (it gets at least an [8] from me because of this), but Joe Jonas’ nautical nonsense reached the top 10 anyway. To his/their credit, DNCE comes shockingly close to capturing that lightning in a bottle — the titular line is a sweet image of commitment, and weak, Adam Levine-aping falsetto aside, the melodies are something vaguely resembling pretty. However, the bridge and post-chorus lazily slide into cliché when the rest of the song — and DNCE in general — feels like a breath of fresh air.
[6]

Brad Shoup: It clatters like a steppin’ track from Unknown Mortal Orchestra — disco upstrokes and squishes — but with a much more boring sexual negotiation. Still, I’m so glad we can now do some proper Jonas Brother A/B testing.
[5]

Thomas Inskeep: It’s so weird to me that we live in a world where multiple Jonas brothers are back on the charts simultaneously. Joe’s band DNCE, however, is getting lapped pretty seriously by Nick’s solo career, and this is a case in point: it’s an incredibly unsexy song about sex. And as for that falsetto, no.
[2]

Will Adams: Of all the mundanities of a one night stand to focus on, the toothbrush might be the least sexy. Though the “awoo!” — a million times less enjoyable than when Shakira did it — comes close.
[4]

Edward Okulicz: I’m not sure I follow what’s happening here. I don’t have to keep it hush, it’s OK if I leave a toothbrush as long as I close the door? Does ultra-rich Joe Jonas still live in share housing? Is it with his brother? If so, can I dump him and go with Nick instead?
[3]

David Moore: I love cake by the ocean (song and snack), so don’t go and ruin it by reminding me to brush my teeth.
[5]