The Singles Jukebox

C.R.A.P.

[Video][Website]
[2.70]

Katie Gill: Florida Georgia Line is trying REALLY REALLY HARD to be serious and trying REALLY REALLY HARD to move past the fact that “Cruise” was goofy as all hell. The result is “H.O.L.Y.” a song desperately trying to be serious but that still can’t shake some of the inherent goofiness from a band whose first single contained the line “what up Nelly.” When the drums kicked in, I literally laughed out loud at how ridiculous it sounded. When I figured out what H.O.L.Y. stood for, I groaned from the cheesiness. Once Florida Georgia Line accept their goofiness, I’m sure they’ll produce better work. As it is, we’ve got this piece of confusion.
[5]

Jessica Doyle: The base is Nickelback; the lyrics were apparently inspired by browsing the list of titles in Joel Osteen’s bibliography; the result is a potpourri of droopy emptiness, with all the actual human emotion of the ingredients list for a Glade candle, Cotton Fresh scent.
[2]

Anthony Easton: I deeply hope this is about Jesus, because it is just embarrassing if he is making a lover into Christ. That’s what we call in church “idolatry.” Also, “cringe-making”
[2]

A.J. Cohn: The song’s blend of eroticism and spirituality makes it more interesting than the average track that could be played in a Hobby Lobby, but not by much.  
[3]

Taylor Alatorre: As part of its antitrust settlement, the ASCAP should be required to teach its songwriters that just because you can express love in a series of hokey sacrilegious metaphors doesn’t mean you should. A one-year moratorium on the use of “high” as a synonym for “horny” wouldn’t hurt, either.
[1]

Thomas Inskeep: FGL are the lowest common denominator in country music now: generic, popular, and uninteresting if not outright terrible. “H.O.L.Y.” stands for “high on lovin’ you,” and the lyrics just get worse from there, with lots of references to “believing,” “heaven,” “grace,” and “angel[s]” in service of a plodding song whose goal is, basically, to get in a girl’s pants. 
[1]

Alfred Soto: Survivor got to heaven first.
[2]

Scott Mildenhall: It’s a fun game to P.L.A.Y., picking letters and yelling. Even if after a while it does wear a bit T.H.I.N., take heart in… something beginning with n? As it toes the border of devotion and devotional, “H.O.L.Y.” is G.R.E.A.T. — gently ridiculous; even acronyms tire.
[4]

Cassy Gress: Over some freezer-burnt Uncle Kracker, Florida Georgia Line rub their hands together mischievously and cackle as they realize they can make a drug song AND a Christian love song at the same time! It’s not that I think it’s impossible for a song to be both; I just think that “H.O.L.Y., H.O.L.Y., H.O.L.Y., H.O.L.Y., high on loving you” is a hamfisted way to do it that neatly trims off the inherent depravity in the concept. The actual hymn is public domain; wouldn’t it have been more clever to interpolate that somehow?
[3]

Hannah Jocelyn: I love how Florida Georgia Line decided to drag a grand piano to the middle of nowhere just so Tyler Hubbard can pretend to play a tinny GarageBand preset. Additionally bizarre is how the lyrics go back and forth between drug metaphors and religious symbolism; between “You’re the river bank where I was baptized” and “Like fire in my veins, you’re my ecstasy.” Even knowing that this dichotomy is deliberate — the double meaning of H.O.L.Y. in this song is “high on loving you” — doesn’t make the song click. Despite hints of intriguing subversion, the execution is too clunky and crass to have real impact.
[4]