The Singles Jukebox

Yes I am, aw yeh…

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[4.00]

Spencer Ackerman: Synopsis: Girl looks fly, like crazy fly, and you want to stunt on her. So you have this Big Green Tractor, and you offer her a ride on it. Slow or fast, baby you could have whatever you like. WHY WOULD YOU COMPARE YOUR DICK TO A TRACTOR?
[2]

Anthony Easton: List of Farm Equipment that is sexier then a tractor: a) chisel plow; b) spike harrow; c) terragator; d) combine; e) hay tedder.
[4]

Chuck Eddy: What’s the point of a Jason Aldean single that doesn’t have loud Bad Company or AC/DC riffs? (see “Hicktown,” “Johnny Cash,” “She’s Country” –the latter of which is the first country hit my Beastie/Biggie/Wu Tang/Wayne-bred youngest son has ever admitted to liking). Actually, I’m not even sure Aldean’s songs with loud riffs have a point, but at least they encourage car-radio volume-knob-blasting. This just sounds slow — and Kenny Chesney’s tractor was sexier.
[5]

Pete Baran: A song like this absolutely must use its central conceit as a thinly veiled sexual metaphor. But there is no sane human metaphor that could use a Big Green Tractor as a sexual substitute. Unless there is some sort of John Deere / John Thomas switch I am not getting. And yet the line “We can go slow or we can go faster” suggests something else, because I know tractors cannot go very fast at all. Its simplicity and goofiness doesn’t quite overcome its idiocy, but it could be the best tractor based single for thirty years.
[5]

Matt Cibula: Okay in some ways but dammit you can’t spell “power ballad” without “POWER” and someone needs to tell homeboy this immediately.
[3]

Michaelangelo Matos: Sleepy country semi-seduction, nothing special at all, but the buzzy lead guitar stays in my head for minutes after everything else fades out.
[5]

Alfred Soto: Chugs along like a dependable piece of farm machinery: whenever it threatens to stall and sputter, it reassures me. Aldean’s been a second-tier country star for a while now, and while his second number one in less than ayear suggests that he’s ready for bigger things, his essential namby-pamby nature reins him in. No double entendres or smirks here — Aldean means what he sings, which is all his pleasant, modest voice can promise. The organ washes and guitar solo promise a lot more though.
[6]

Martin Skidmore: The song is negligible and hamfisted, he strikes me as a particularly bland and dull singer, and the music would have sounded hackneyed 30 years ago. Rubbish.
[2]