Ha-va, nagila, haa-vaa, nagila…

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[4.50]

Asher Steinberg: When one washed-up super-rapper collaborates with another super-rapper who was never a very good rapper in the first place, one of three things can happen. They can go the bloated event record noise pollution route, a la “Swagger Like Us”, “Empire State of Mind”, or “Black Republican”. The washed-up one can dully attempt to rap over a poor facsimile of a beat he could have gotten 15 years ago. Or, they can amuse with awkward attempts to rap like the rappers of today, sort of like Obama’s ludicrous boasts of “doing BIG THANGZ” the other night. Kanye and Jay have chosen the latter route, and while the result is supremely inessential, they’ve spared us a lot of noise pollution.
[4]

Al Shipley: Nearly a decade after he began collaborating with Twista, Kanye’s misbegotten confidence as a rapper has finally allowed him to attempt a doubletime flow, and it’s just the marvel of incompetence you’d expect. Jay’s always been capable in that department, but his verse here only sounds good compared to Kanye’s, not compared to “Jigga What, Jigga Who”.
[2]

Jer Fairall: Even as a non-fan of Kanye’s rapping in general, I think he sounds fucking terrible here, right at home in a pompous production that punches the listener in the face with each graceless operatic flourish and plodding synth-stab. Jay Z comes off somewhat better only by virtue of not being as awful as his partner, but this is the very sound of two guys who can currently phone it in with no fear of their reputations taking any significant hit, and thus proceeding to do just that. Infuriating.
[1]

Jonathan Bradley: “Watch the throne,” as someone should have told King Louis XVI. “H.A.M.” doesn’t; Lex Luger’s beat starts out menacing and eerie, but descends into a monarchical crescendo with all the fatuous opulence of the Palace of Versailles. Waka Flocka Flame might have been able to batter this monstrosity into submission, but ‘Ye and Jay are too complacent and too controlled to really wile out. “Comme des Garçons/Fuck your fresh,” raps Hov at one point. Non, mon frère, comme de fille; specifically, Marie Antoinette.
[4]

Michaelangelo Matos: Let me guess, I’m supposed to be overwhelmed by the ambition, right? Ooh: opera. Very fancy. I bow, I bow.
[6]

Anthony Easton: The hardness or the butchness here is as performative as panto or kabuki. We are supposed to be convinced that they are fighting each other for control of the business, but both have been soft and self reflective enough in previous work that you really enjoy the excess. Nothing is new, and everything has already been permitted.
[8]

Martin Skidmore: The rather tinny production from Lex Luger seemed disappointing, but then it goes all Adam F orchestral-choral on the chorus, which is much more impressive. Weirdly, Jay-Z, one of the most naturally gifted rappers ever, leans rather towards almost singing many of his lines, which is a mad choice. Kanye sounds stronger than usual, but I’ve never cared about his rapping. A mixed bag – half a terrific single, half a weak one.
[7]

Alfred Soto: The last thing Ye needs in 2011 is to go ham. When the arrangement swells to encompass operatic voices and piano, I know he and Hova realized they have nothing of interest to say but have gotten more resourceful about hiding it.
[4]