The Singles Jukebox

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG…

[Video][Website]
[5.00]

Alex Ostroff: Somehow, I’ve escaped hearing these until now. Joe (or Nick?) has the vocal tics of Tom McFly, and the song sounds like McFly’s cast-offs. Vocal harmonies? Check. Vaguely rocking? Check. Insanely catchy pop chorus? Not really…
[6]

Doug Robertson: Man, no wonder kids are stabbing each other. If this is what I was expected to be into at that age, I’d be reaching for a knife as well.
[3]

Chuck Eddy: Finished with their girlfriend ’cause she wouldn’t help them with their mind. People say they’re insane because they are frowning all the time. Seriously, though… this is clearly the Jonas Bros in their sterling silver Def Lep Hysteria souped-up supermelodic bazooka-rock with harmonies mode, like “Can’t Have You” last year. The lines when they’re “freaking out” recall the lines in “Basket Case” when Green Day were “cracking up”, and this is a more fun Def Lep rip than “Know Your Enemy”. Not as fun a Def Lep rip as “Let It Rock,” however.
[7]

Michaelangelo Matos: Have the words “I’m freakin’ out!” ever been so resolutely unconvincing? It’s so nonspecific — you’d think it would be easy to seem to mean it, because it means whatever the hell you decide it does. It’s like the jukebox hit in that awful movie version of Speed Racer I walked out of after 45 minutes.
[3]

Iain Mew: Musically this is basically Pilate, isn’t it? Alterna-rock buffed to a shiny surface gloss, edges barely still visible. All of which makes trying to believe that they’re really “freaking out” even harder, but once you set aside the lyrics as so much pleasant nonsense, there’s some enjoyment to be had from their array of finely tuned hooks.
[6]

Hillary Brown:This hasn’t even started to annoy me yet, many listens in, so that’s a vast step forward for them. They still sound like their pants are a little tight, but this has a jumpy, bubbly appeal.
[7]

Matt Cibula: It’s no “Lovebug,” but this is okay enough in a Disney sort of way. Points for replication of a certain type of mid-80s single, but neg points for being a backsliding sort of thing, and then maybe a couple of points thrown in just because hey, why not. Also, all the replicating Kevins in the video is a nightmarish vision of post-singularity America and is therefore excellent black humor.
[6]

Martin Kavka: While watching the video to this completely subpar rock song — it only has appeal if you already find the Jonas Brothers appealing — I thought for one brief moment that the ugly wallpaper in the hotel hallway meant that the JB’s were on the set of the Hotel Earle from Barton Fink. Alas, I was mistaken.
[2]

Ian Mathers: It’s music as training wheels; there are far worse things for kids to listen to, especially if you want to start getting them into the pretty canonical mainstream of pop and rock, but once you’ve actually listened to interesting music it’s hard to imagine what appeal “Paranoid” could hold.
[5]

Additional Scores

Anthony Easton: [5]
Martin Skidmore: [5]