The Singles Jukebox

“And THIS is for Sung Tongs…”

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[5.00]Jer Fairall: Nine women who aren’t Beyoncé–ten if we count songwriter Diane Warren, eleven if we include project leader Michelle Obama–send their love down the well on a sub-Beyoncé female empowerment anthem so nondescript and free of controversy that it could only be for charity.
[4]

Lauren Gilbert: Say what you will, Bill Clinton will never decide what the world needs is a collaboration between Janelle Monáe and Kelly Clarkson.
[6]

Brad Shoup: I hear Michelle wanted a Destiny’s Child reunion, but Mitch McConnell blocked it.
[4]

Alfred Soto: What else am I supposed to write other than “this is OK”? Obviously if every performer credited had a part the track would be as long as La Traviata, but with that lineup we’re owed better than a decent hook and noble sentiment.
[4]

Micha Cavaseno: It’s a good sentiment, it sounds like Rich Harrison circa a decade and change ago, it’s impossible to criticize without coming across like a jerk, but it’s got the curse of the disposable that marks too many charity records.
[6]

Cassy Gress: Everyone involved with this is talented, likable, and/or known for being a fierce, successful diva. One would think that something beautiful and inspiring could come out of having all these women on the same track. But listening to this, all I can think of is the 2001 “Lady Marmalade” cover, or worse, the “What’s Going On?” all-star cover from the same year. Except where both of those songs were brought down by one or more players trying their damnedest to out-shine (or out-sincere) everyone else, this reeks of an idea and passion with nothing to support it except homilies and aphorisms. Missy’s verse doesn’t even sound like her, and Missy verses are usually some of the most fun things to listen to.
[4]

Katherine St Asaph: There’s no way to say this without coming off as a hypocritical asshole, but here we have an empowerment anthem that’s undercut by the unspoken fact that nobody here is at the peak of her career. The song’s fine, resemblance to that Fergie song from The Great Gatsby aside, but in meme-ified, fanbase-stratified 2016 more so than ever, any song is only as resonant as its performers’ celebrity is strong. What power does this hold for an audience fresh off making Poor Michelle memes?
[6]

Jonathan Bogart: Money and prestige buys (or gets tax-exempt donated) some decent beats, taut and squelchy; a conceptual mandate of generalized affirmation ends up with mushy aphorisms and indistinct too-many-cooks harmonies. Missy (who else?) is the only one who stands out; and I hope that the nascent girl-power this will no doubt inspire in many young women will go on to take cues from her own radical womanhood.
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