The Singles Jukebox

I can’t improve on “ecumenical boner-jam”

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[4.00]Taylor Alatorre: This sort of ecumenical boner-jam only works if it a) is wedded to a larger plea for tolerance; b) is used as a pretext to brag about all the cool places the artist has visited; or c) gives 2 Chainz the chance to rhyme “penis” with “Gilbert Arenas.” This has none of those things, so why even bother?
[2]

Thomas Inskeep: This DJ Khaled protégé shows more on his debut single that Khaled has — well, ever. Jones appealingly flips back and forth between talk-singing and rapping — in a quintet of languages! — while the spongy bass makes like a bouncy castle. But the masterstroke here is interpolating Barry White’s 1994 comeback slow jam “Practice What You Preach.” Jones ups the tempo, but still keeps it sexy. He wrote and produced this himself, apparently in 12 hours. Here’s hoping he’s got other songs in the bag — one of the songs of summer ’16.
[9]

Katie Gill: This really isn’t a new concept. It’s an international version of hoes in different area codes which is something that’s overplayed at best and actively offensive at worst. But while the lyrics are eye-rolling, the music itself is thankfully boring. Or, at least, it doesn’t actively disgust me unlike other songs with the same concept but much rockier execution, cough Jason Derulo cough.
[3]

Alfred Soto: The wit involved to mate “Girls, Girls, Girls” and Big Sean’s “Research.”
[3]

Adaora Ede: What’s so fascinating is that its chorus flips Barry White’s standard “Practice What You Preach” to a hip pop ode to attractive women across the world. Although I might bump this rich man’s “Talk Dirty” once or twice this summer, can we all mutually agree to stop writing song lyrics centered wholly on ethnic/nationality sexual clichés?
[3]

Cassy Gress: Running through “hi” and “what’s up” in various languages is a more interesting way of doing the traditional “I love girls all over the world” song. But the synth bass isn’t doing anything interesting to match, and for all his alleged worldliness when it comes to babes, it’s pretty hypocritical and shitty to say regarding his girl’s other boyfriend, “I said he don’t speak English, fuck he gon’ say.”
[3]

Mark Sinker: Tech-squinched and layered to seem a lot more agile than he can manage without machine-assistance (you can hear it in the breath-control). But the flab-handles on his voice aren’t entirely nipped and tucked away. He can get his and not entirely excise the slob in him, is what the production adds to the story being told. Which is deft without being exactly likeable.
[5]

Tim de Reuse: Jones’s “lesson” here seems to be intended in a peace-on-earth kind of way, which is nice, but there’s internal conflict between the can’t-we-all-just-get-along summer vibe and the decision to use awkward machismo as the primary vehicle for delivering the message. Mercifully, the hook takes up eighty percent of the song’s runtime, which leaves him precious few opportunities to grace our ears with sincere, breathy deliveries of lines like “She gives me desktop till I overload.”
[3]

Brad Shoup: Looks like you can get pretty far riding Quan’s “Flex.” Making these first few bars his hook was probably smart, ’cause wow, they are dumb. Plump bass-synth and dry snare: it’s so summery I’m squinting.
[5]