The Singles Jukebox

They wish!

[Video][Website]
[2.17]

Scott Mildenhall: Charlie Puth sure knows his way around an execrable chorus. If he had any sense he would have sung it over the Bloodhound Gang, but he’s the man who’s been given the keys to pop this past year, and if he plumps for bathetic ghost choirs then that is his right. The one thing in favour of this awful morality tale is how unwittingly bizarre it is. Social media is ubiquitous, but it’s going to be hard not to sound ridiculous while singing about it for at least a decade yet. Is this secretly a test of audiences’ “digital nativeness”? The resulting data might be worth it, at a stretch.
[3]

Brad Shoup: Unfollowed; blocked.
[1]

Thomas Inskeep: Remember when Weezy made “Shooter” with Robin Thicke back in 2005? He comes sorta-kinda-full-circle now with the poor man’s Thicke, Charlie Puth, who wrote a song called “Instagram Models” (great title, fella), which became this. It’s all about how some women only want fame and followers on social media, which is unfortunate, because the 808 booms and baps, but these lyrics are pretty ugly.
[3]

Katherine St Asaph: Half a point because the movie-trailer solemn “I’m facing a battle for all of my problems / these Instagram models are nothing but trouble” made me laugh out loud. Another half-point for “these emotions, lord,” which is downright Henry Fielding.
[1]

Jonathan Bradley: I’ll set up a Periscope some time if you want to hear me explain why this song sucks so hard, but for the moment, let’s just say that if Weezy and Puth can rest on a song on a half-assed reference to a social media service, I can do the same with a blurb.
[2]

Alfred Soto: Intoxicated by lust and drink but not logorrhea, Wayne sounds committed but uninspired. Puth sounds like intoxication is a thing he read about once and decided that a cup of ginger tea would hit the spot instead. With Jeremih chilling on a Caribbean island, Puth will answer phone calls for those demanding 1-900-FEELINGS.
[3]