The Singles Jukebox

Pop abhors a boy-band vacuum…

[Video][Website]
[3.09]

Jonathan Bradley: The second decade of the 21st century has been one in which the infamously insular American charts have shown an unusual interest in foreign sounds, and the next step along that road might be the incorporation of global supply chains into pop manufacturing. (Though, in some ways, Drake’s doing that already.) The members of ill-fated girl group G.R.L. came from three different nations, and the newest contenders to fill pop’s One Direction-shaped hole are New District, which has Germans and Americans working together like its a Merkel-Obama summit. A fifth member, Felix Biernat, is the Pete Best: national borders endure in this globalized economy, and he had trouble securing a US work visa. But will the multi-market approach pay off, opening the US and the EU up simultaneously for the group? “Ain’t Got Money” is American in intent — more R&B influenced than the pop-rock cast of the most recent boy band wave — though it also has hints of the unmoored quality of pop that could be playing over the PA in any shopping center in the world. That Loggins and Messina sample, for instance, which might only be a good idea by accident: the middle-aged seriousness of “Danny’s Song” is improved by adolescent impetuousness. “Ain’t Got Money” is sunny and flimsy and its lyrics are almost too bad to be disregarded. New District should assign one of their number to be the bad boy, because even a sliver of an extra dimension would go along way here. And yet, this song is carefree and easy to like. There’s a version of this band that I could imagine enjoying.
[7]

Alfred Soto: I’m sorry, but I respect no one who interpolates the hook of one of the treacliest songs of the last 50 years.
[2]

Thomas Inskeep: There are good boy bands, and then there’s paint-by-numbers crap like this. I don’t ever want to hear “Danny’s Song” in any version, either, let alone hearing its hook sung by some barely-post-pubescent pipsqueak.
[1]

Crystal Leww: Cute lil boy bands that are obviously intended to appeal to a younger demographic can actually be great — Mindless Behavior’s 2013 album is jam-packed top-to-down with bangers. But the production on “Ain’t Got Money” is too cheap, sounding like it was cobbled together from an Ark Music Factory session gifted as some rich kid’s 13th birthday present. I won’t make fun of these kids. This is Randy Jackson’s fault, who should know better.
[4]

Hannah Jocelyn: “I don’t need no fast car, girl” sounds like “I don’t need no escargot,” which says roughly the same thing and is a much better lyric than anything in this song. Who are these people, anyway? Why does their only other song sound like “Whistle” by Ark Music Factory? Who would ever say “I love the way your body’s curved/You be looking like a dolla sign”? Whose idea was “Cee-Lo crazy”? WHOSE IDEA WAS THE KENNY LOGGINS SAMPLE? The likeliest answer to at least some of these seems to be… RANDY JACKSON??? This whole thing is so beautifully bizarre, like the Black Out Band on a much bigger scale. But those lyrics are so cringeworthy, up to and including that “dolla sign” line, that it’s difficult to even hate-listen when everything feels so cynical and gross.
[0]

Scott Mildenhall: It’s a little frightening to think that a section of this song’s intended audience may, owing to youth, be unfamiliar with “BedRock”, but such fresh ears to its tune can only be a good thing for the brazen thieves of New District. “Ain’t Got Money” is so naff that they must be aiming for people that young — that or old enough that they remember the days of bands like Upside Down. It’s not as fun as “BedRock”, because its daftness is not really a comical one, but it is catchy.
[6]

Katherine St Asaph: Someone sit these kids down with “The Way I Are” and CyberPatrol this song’s actual inspirations from all their devices forever.
[1]

Will Adams: I only tolerate “money/honey” rhymes from Lana Del Rey anymore.
[2]

Cassy Gress: This hookless mildewed dishrag of a song uses the tired “money/honey” rhyme to bookend a descending melody that inexplicably lands the word “love” on a minor chord. It also describes a girl’s figure as “like a dollar sign,” which doesn’t make sense unless she has acute scoliosis, and the songwriters liked that phrase so much that they paired it with the awkwardly written “with you I’m going to take my time.” I hope tweenagers out there can find something more inspired to listen to than this.
[0]

A.J. Cohn: This sunny, relatively inoffensive takeoff on “I Can’t Give You Anything but Love, Baby” is second- or third-rate boy band pop to be sure–granted, One Direction has spoiled all others of its ilk for me–but no matter, it’s probably making a lot of money for the boys performing it.
[4]

Brad Shoup: There’s two neat things going on here. The first is another cheery pop mirage about what rich people do all day, and the second is the triangulation between 2000s R&B-pop and bygone MOR. They come courtesy of co-writers Keith Hetrick (millennial, probably comfortable) and Randy Jackson (not, [extremely rich guy voice] does all right for himself). With the dewiness of a young Jesse McCartney, New District run through the melodic paces demonstrated years ago by Joe and Mario and Young Money. There’s also a reference to Cee-Lo that… isn’t aging well. Still, it’s a dream of a dream, cooed and sighed with a kind of dopey faith that we can’t stop invoking.
[7]