The Singles Jukebox

I’ve got an icebox where my heart post to be…

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[5.86]Crystal Leww: In terms of actual output, DJ Mustard actually had a quiet second half of 2014, coasting on his singles from earlier on in the year. In that time, others finally started to recognize other producers who worked in a similar rnbass style from Nic Nac to Redwine. “Post to Be” is a rare moment in that stretch and also a rare moment for Omarion’s Sex Playlist, too. “Post to Be” isn’t particularly flashy despite its swagger, relying on the surprising amount of charm from Omarion, Brown, and Aiko. (Yes, even Chris Brown!) The details are surprisingly hilarious: she saves Omarion in her phone as “Bestie” (probably with a kissy face emoji), Chris Fucking Brown’s method of seduction is weed, and Aiko, bless her, has the best line of her career (and I’m a huge Aiko defender) claiming that a dude can act as her chauffeur but “he gotta eat the booty like groceries.” This doesn’t go for too much, but wow, it’s so light and fun.
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Brad Shoup: It’s got a kid’s sense of self-assurance: the peak is turning a “Murder She Wrote” melody into a classroom taunt. Mustard’s fake flute flits this way and that like a lark with nothing to do. Spring’s practically here.
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Will Adams: That synthetic flute ostinato sets a high bar of ridiculousness (and offers a lovely counterpoint to DJ Mustard’s distinct bassline) that is only matched by Aiko’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it grocery line.
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Katherine St Asaph: Slow the flute patch down 2x and it sounds like it belongs on that Ramona Lisa record; take away the credits and you’d never guess them, so out of character are Brown and Aiko both. It’s not quite summer love, but it’s summer something.
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Iain Mew: Never has a performer ident felt as unintentionally fitting as “Post to Be” being topped and tailed by the word “breezy.”
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Micha Cavaseno: Listening to Omarion try to do his best TY$ impersonation — where “Murder She Wrote” interpolations pair awkwardly on Mustard throwing out a third-rate “Show Me” — is incredibly discouraging to any hopes that Maybach O is going to finally make the comeback he deserves. Chris Brown remains the bastard son of Sisqo who this industry just can’t seem to call it a day on. But the real gem is the surprise of Jhené Aiko appearing in Mustard’s Candy Land retreads and expecting to get her ass ate out. I don’t know what has gone “wrong” here. Maybe it’s realizing her sister Mila finally got about 1/3rd of Jhené’s career’s progress by ratcheting it up in maybe 1/10th of the time. Maybe it was hearing Aquarius and thinking “DAMN. SOMEONE DID MY MERCURIAL STONER BABY BABBLE BETTER THAN ME SINCE I’LL NEVER LEARN HOW TO PERFORM ACTUAL SONGWRITING.” Maybe she just wants to stop being a dork who has albums that look like DeviantArt fodder and try to have fun. But it’s honestly a weird turn, and it’s so goofy that I can’t be mad at it. It deflates how tiresome and boring the JHENÉ AIKO THING has been. To the “new” pervy nerd Jhené Aiko in 2015!
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Kat Stevens: I hold my hands up and admit that my only Omarion reference point is “Icebox,” which came up on shuffle just this morning. For those of you who have also lost all connection with non-refrigerated music, a handy comparison: if “Icebox” is the “Let It Go” ice palace shattering with a release of raw emotion, then “Post To Be” is more like the theme tune to Pingu.
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