Watch yer backs, hide the knives…

[Video][Website]
[6.38]

Michaelangelo Matos: “Louder” and “outta here” don’t even near-rhyme.
[5]

Frank Kogan: Singer rips up relationship, self, tries to mend both. Her voice is pained in the verse, still pained in the chorus, but the melody comforts it, and us.
[7]

Al Shipley: Fuck 808s & Heartbreak, Funhouse is the greatest breakup album of the past year, exorcising its autobiographical demons with self-deprecating humor as often as sadness or rage. “Please Don’t Leave Me” basically summarizes the album’s unique tone in miniature, so it’s a logical choice for a single, but I can’t help but remember that there are much better songs still lurking in the deep cuts.
[7]

Hillary Brown: By far a stronger single than the first one off her most recent record, “Please Don’t Leave Me” is more than comparatively good. It shows off every strength Pink has (big voice, vulnerability, the ability to convey strong emotions without going all American Idol), while minimizing her weaknesses (anger, stupid lyrics). It’s like every makeover show that shows people how to put themselves in the best light, but plus a serious hook absolutely jammed with vocals. Great stuff.
[9]

Martin Skidmore: This is my favourite Pink single in some years. Firstly because it’s a good song, about a tormented relationship, with a strong tune that gets you humming along quite quickly. It’s also a very good vocal performance, sounding broken and desperate – her best for ages, perhaps because it’s unusually thoughtful and restrained.
[8]

Edward Okulicz: The good thing about Pink is that even if you don’t like one of her singles, you only have to wait another 5 minutes before she replaces it with another one. The da-da-da backing vocals have a pleasingly shambolic quality to them and she does sound nicely broken on it, but it lacks force and pretty much anything that would make it memory-resident. It potters along amiably until the mildly rousing middle-eight, showing the gamut of post-break-up emotions, but it’s hard to imagine loving or hating this passionately. Oh well, the next single (“Bad Influence”) is a belter.
[7]

Iain Mew: The video is problematic in its own way (just imagine a gender-reversed one) but it at least succeeds in selling Pink as totally unhinged. The song tries and fails, unless I’m giving it too much credit and it really was meant to be as boring as it appears at surface level. Everything is just far too restrained, with the exception of the “da da dada” backing vocals which go right past restrained to anaesthetised, and are the only interesting part as a result.
[3]

Alex Ostroff: P!nk is always more fun when she dials back than when she’s trying to have fun. So What was a rollicking pop song, but this is less obnoxious, more introspective, and better. Before, she lamely called her ex a tool. Now, broken-hearted and terrified of losing him, she lashes out, threatens him and finally calls herself on her own bullshit. Max Martin restrains his recent excesses, employing a light enough touch to give P!nk room to ache, while the “da da da” loop and drums add bounce. Bonus points for the video, where P!nk is the Jack Nicholson to her boyfriend’s Shelley Duvall. Deliciously twisted.
[8]

Martin Kavka: This falls into the Morass Of The Midtempo Track: too slow to be exciting, and too fast to communicate deep meaning. Yawn. (BTW, why is this yet another video about how Pink feels trapped by a heterosexual relationship? Should we infer that she will one day have a big Clay-Aiken-ish secret to confess?)
[3]

Ian Mathers: The great tragedy of the self-reflexive person is that being aware of your faults doesn’t actually mitigate those faults; we can say to the other “yes, I’m an asshole, but at least I know I have this problem and I love you” and they usually leave anyway. And why shouldn’t they? No matter how convincing an apology you can make, they’re still dating an asshole. Pink tries to cover over that fact (the slapstick horror movie video may be dumb, but it’s also heartbreaking in a look-I’m-dancing-as-fast-as-I-can way), but by the time the self-reflexive person is pleading so openly, it’s because the other is already out the door. And because she’s so self-reflexive, Pink knows that.
[8]

Additional Scores

Jonathan Bradley: [6]
Briony Edwards: [5]
David Raposa: [7]